Somehow, or for some reason, my H has virtually cut off all contact with me. Hugged me goodbye last monday and tuesday and then has pulled all the way back into his hole. I know it's my fault for pushing him, but I thought the hugs were progress. I didn't write or say anything after that last e-mail over a week ago--the e-mail that led to the hugs. I just still have so much trouble with dealing with the man that has owned my heart for 28 years treating me like a stranger. I've re-read some of his e-mails. I've tried to understand and have tried to understand why he can't see the role the OW has in all of this, especially his view of our past.
I know I need to stop trying to understand. It is unproductive and I may never understand. I keep thinking the pain will subside and I can move on, but it doesn't. I can't help but believe that this is all so wrong. OUr kids do not deserve this. I can't help but now think that if I was a better person, or had been, that he would not want to give up on us. He would not want this to destroy our family.
As I left his house last night, after dropping D11 there for the night, the sobbing once again began....................
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Dear H: I know our past was not perfect. I know that our problems were joint issues. There is no doubt of that. I have not denied it. But, our problems should not have us "here." I know that there is something going on inside you that has made everything much worse than it ever was. I know that there is something inside of you that allowed you to turn to OW. I know that justifying OW has allowed you to destroy any of the good memories that you had of us and our lives together. I hope someday you realize this.
You need to talk to someone. You need to deal with all that is going on inside of you. Is the pain, embarrassment, and difficulty with dealing with all of this really enough to justify not doing anything. Is what is happening to our family really what you want?
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
