Back to life, back to reality?

[istherehope]

So just a quick follow-up. It's like I haven't been able to get out of backslide mode.

This morning when H got up I apologized for last night, and said that I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did. This was probably fine. Then though I mentioned how last night he had said something about how things could only work out in the US. I mentioned this again, and he said that it didn't mean things could work out, only that they only could there. This is weird. He also said that he meant what he said last night. Then I said I wanted to be friends, and couldn't he at least remain open to this. The classic "I don't know" popped out.

So as if that weren't all enough, I sent him an email. It really wasn't that bad, but not sure if it was a good/bad move. I just said that I wanted him to be happy, and that I hoped we could be friends, and that I would rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all. I told him that I think he's amazing, and that I am there if he wants to talk about anything. I also validated that the marriage dynamic had not been good for him, and that it must be hard to be in a position where he is questioning everything. The whole email was really about me understanding his needs. I even said that if our efforts failed, I wouldn't fight him on things.

Since then I've seen him on IM, and he sent me a link to a news story.

I am in such a weird place right now...I've asked my friend if i can stay there tomorrow and possibly the next night too. I'll probably come back Friday, but go out late or something.

I just need to consider what to do about my job and everything else right now, and this is making me panic.

ITH