first thing I do is look her in the eyes and ask if she would ever lie to me again and if I can trust her. Of course she says she won't lie and that I can trust her, and of course I don't believe her. Next I ask her a question I can find the answer to myself. For example, I ask if she texts OM, then I check her phone records and act accordingly. Do I like snooping ? No. Should I have to do it ? No. Do I HAVE to do it ? Yes.
Granted, she only wants to be around me because OM left her and is a complete jerk. I remind her of this. I remind her of what she threw away and how she was only a piece of meat to him, and he never really loved her. I also remind her that I don't play second fiddle and she will have to earn my trust back.
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
Looking back max, I didn't answer your question LOL. Sorry.
In my particular situation, she has to want to be around me, ask me to do things, tell me she misses me, initiate physical contact like holding hands(that doesn't mean you actually do it)
The little things count (cliché)
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
In my particular situation, she has to want to be around me, ask me to do things, tell me she misses me, initiate physical contact like holding hands(that doesn't mean you actually do it)
Sooooooo because you are wanting the M to work and you are both working on it, you can do all those little nice things ?
Because i am Dbing my backside off I cant do those things. My H does all that you do but he does believe i will never do it again ( as do I right now ! )
irst thing I do is look her in the eyes and ask if she would ever lie to me again and if I can trust her. Of course she says she won't lie and that I can trust her, and of course I don't believe her. Next I ask her a question I can find the answer to myself. For example, I ask if she texts OM, then I check her phone records and act accordingly. Do I like snooping ? No. Should I have to do it ? No. Do I HAVE to do it ? Yes.
Granted, she only wants to be around me because OM left her and is a complete jerk. I remind her of this. I remind her of what she threw away and how she was only a piece of meat to him, and he never really loved her. I also remind her that I don't play second fiddle and she will have to earn my trust back.
Granted, she only wants to be around me because OM left her and is a complete jerk. I remind her of this. I remind her of what she threw away and how she was only a piece of meat to him, and he never really loved her. I also remind her that I don't play second fiddle and she will have to earn my trust back.
At some point you will need to stop rubbing her face in this and let it go.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
of course. I do it all nicely. I want her to understand that it was ME that truly loved her all along, and although it was such a rush to be with a former flame, he just wanted "a piece"
she didn't need me to explain that to her though. its all about making yourself the more attractive choice, as a gentleman named Mark told me on here.
I'd like to point out that my wife isn't sure if she wants to get back together. She only started talking to me and hanging out with me again because the OM bailed on her. It's not like they were together and she said "i can't do this, i'm going to work things out with my husband".....that would have been a sweet ending, but in reality, he bailed, so she slowly started inching back.
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
does that make me feel like crap ? yes. but she wasn't happy when she left. we were emotionally distanced and although we ate and slept together, we never really had intimate and non intimate conversations. we realize this now and are just spending time talking. she wasn't ready to get married either(she was 20 and just had our son) so she didn't understand the concept of "for better or for worse".......she saw it all as dating pretty much. I was already 26 and ready to settle so we sorta clashed there....
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
