Well let me see if I can respond to a couple or more things you said.
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I constantly text and call.
As you already know, this is a big DB no-no and you say that you can't control yourself. But, let me ask you this Max, what if your very life depended on it? I realize that my make-up is probably not the same as yours, but I have a hard time understanding a woman that says she "can't help herself" b/c I think we women can do anything we set our minds to doing! If you want this man badly enough.....you CAN help yourself. You CAN control what you say and do. It is up to you, but you have got to do it or kiss it all good-bye. I want to help you, but you have got to do the work girlfriend b/c nobody else can, but you.
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We have so much to look forward to in the future and so much to loose.
I understand that, but you do not need to be telling him that.....if you are......b/c he does not want to hear that talk and it is pressuring him and pursuing. Don't do it....come here and tell us, but don't say it to him, okay?
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What can i do now ? Should i of continued to lie to him ?
This is hard. I don't ever tell anyone to out right lie. If it were me, I think I would apply all the items on my DB list of do's and don'ts and become the greatest thing he ever saw and make him want me so bad he hurt--before I thought about confessing anymore sins. If he was to come right out and ask.....I would have to come clean and tell him. But, I would hope that I would have the time and the discipline to do what I needed to do to draw him back in his heart and want me again before I had to do that. I am not sure to what extent he does not know everything. Did he think it was just an EA? If so, and he is this hurt and angry over an EA, then for him to hear of a PA, you probably need to prepare for the worst......for a while anyway.
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He still cares for me but i am not sure if he loves me now. He asks how can we make special again what we had.
If this particular statement should come up again, then tell him your suggestion is to start over with a brand new frame of mind and put the past behind you. If he can forgive you and never bring the subject up again, then you might stand a chance. On the other hand, if you will be bothered about what you have kept from him, I think you should tell him everything before reeling him into a R with you again under the idea that nothing physical happened between you and OM. If you try to build a R upon something that is false, I think it will eventually eat away at you and cause the R to fail. Again, that is for you to decide.
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I think he has convinced himself that it is over and I know that it will take 2 of us to fix that.
Actually, only one of you really working at it can fix it....and that one is YOU. Unless you are speaking of forgiveness on his part...and that is not work....it is grace.
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How do I convince him that i would never do that again, that I am so deeply sorry and that what we have is worth fighting for?
Well, again this is where you need to consider telling him everything that happened b/c if/when you were to tell him at a later time.....say after the two of you got back together....and then you tell him the rest of the story.....I don't think he will be able to trust you and will always wonder if you are keeping something else from him. All you can do is be honest with him and tell him your feelings. The rest is utimately up to him. He will need a lot of time. You will have to leave him completely alone and not bother him and let him deal with this news. Are you sure he doesn't already know the extent of the affair? I just wondered by him being that angry over the EA. Or, was it the fact that it was the H of a friend? My EA made my H furious but mine was very sexual.....even if it was on line. If yours was like that, then that could be the cause of his anger.
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Trouble is I don't know how to help him as he no longer lives at home.
You must stop thinking this way! You cannot "help" him! He is a grown man....not a little boy. Plus, if he has to leave home b/c of the effect your EA has had on him......he is going to suffer a heck of a lot more when he finds out the extent of the affair. Stop trying to protect him and take care of him and helping him. He has to do this himself. He probably will need to seek an IC or a MC by himself first before including you. JMHO.
Please, please stop the chasing, pursuing, clinging and all the rest. Leave him alone. He wants to get away from you or he would not have left home. A pretty good sign, don't you think?
Don't give up. Keep coming back every day. Do a lot of self improvements.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
