OT, sometimes it's not the words that need to be said. Actions speak louder than words. IMO, there actions together are better than they have been in years.
in my experience, for ME, my H and I have not really talked and talked about the sitch. I know that he wants me, and I want him, and I do trust him because of his actions. What point is it to go thru all the past when you know what you need to do for your future? That is what solution based is, knowing what you need to do to get where you are going.
Now, if she continues to have problems or issues, or if he does, then of course it may be good for them to have some kind of discussion. What about, I'm not sure. Maybe Nik is just needing some reassurance, and for her H to tell her he's sorry he hurt her, but sometimes, as a LBS, we can focus on that too much, and even though they say this, it does not sink in, and we keep asking for that reassurance. I did do that in the beginning, and I actually did try to discuss somethings, and once my H said to me, "how many times are we going to talk about this? can we just be done?" in a very frustrated voice. Then I realized, this was more about me, than about him. It was that insecurity that was creeping up on me again.
But, I am not Nik, and she is not me, so of course she needs to discover what she truly needs.
thanks for rephrasing your respond to my post in a "more productive manner".
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Nik..happy belated anniversary and thanks for posting on my thread as well! I was encouraged by your anniversary tale because my 20th is coming up next month and I'm just not sure how I'm going to take the day if it's still like it is now!! So, I appreciate your encouragement, though it was 2 years in the making..congratulations to you and your spouse for making it thru
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Oh gosh, I haven't been by to update my own thread recently! Not that I've had much time to post to others, either, but feel bad it's been so long.
ST, Tawnya, SMW, jak, GF - hugs, and thanks for checking in on me!
ST - Very good points.. I do think that SOME of it will need to be an actual conversation some day, just still working out what exactly I need from "me" vs. from H.
So, an update...
Things are continuing to go well, just incredibly hectic! H's job has slowed down sooo much and mine has just about doubled in workload. Too bad he's the one who gets paid by the job! I've been lucky to get home before 7 most nights.. ugh. Better than not having a job though, that's for sure.
Saturday did a little pampering during the day.. ahh.
Saturday afternoon/evening we went to a surprise 40th anniversary party that a good friend of H's had for his parents. Pretty neat. They had lots of friends and family there and really enjoyed the night. Their daughter made tons of delicious gourmet appetizers and their son (H's friend for probably almost 30 years now) cooked an equally delicious dinner. We told them they should get into catering! We stayed there and visited for most of the night. And in spite of the "theme" it wasn't too weird.. I was afraid it would dredge up a lot of emotions for me and/or H.
It's going to be an eventful few weeks!
Next weekend we're letting some friends use our house for their wedding reception, so this week will be a lot of getting ready for that. They are getting married much earlier than planned because the H joined the military and they wanted to be married before he leaves for training. They had planned the wedding at a little place right up the street from us but weren't going to have much of a reception - about an hour for cake, the traditional dances, etc. and that was it.
I have no idea what prompted my H to even offer this but he heard the guy talking about it and how he's sad that 1. they have to limit the ceremony guests so much and 2. they don't get to really have a "party" part to the reception. So.. he volunteered our house! Technically they're doing all the prep work along with their friends, but of course I can't keep myself TOTALLY out of it so I'll help them set up and stuff. The younger people from the ceremony are coming, along with some of their friends who they couldn't accommodate for the ceremony, so that's pretty cool.
It's kind of weird because H and I actually got married in our own backyard. We're lending them a lot of our lights, candles, etc. and it's been a little emotional seeing the yard look somewhat "wedding like" again. Especially when the W-to-be asked to see pics from our wedding so she could get some ideas. Although when we've talked about memories it prompted H has been totally positive - reminiscing about how beautiful it was etc. That's been wonderful.
The weekend after that... I have an appointment and lunch in the bay area with my Mom and Bro, then we're rushing back to meet up with H so he and I can go to Tahoe for his Mom's 60th. She decided on this plan well after I'd committed to the appt. with my Mom and Bro so it's kinda a scramble. The nice thing is, both MIL and SIL made a BIG deal about wanting me there and they'd wait for me to get back. I had even offered to drive up separately and they said "No way!" Quite the change from last year when we hadn't spoken for months and were figuring out how to avoid each other for Thanksgiving eh?
The next weekend is H's final race of the season, in Southern CA.
Weekend after that is Trans Siberian orchestra (TSO) with my Mom and H. It's been a tradition with my Mom for years and we've both tried to get H to go. I think he'll really enjoy it! We finally talked him into it this year. 2 years ago it was only about 5-6 weeks post bomb and I remember fighting all night to keep it together while my Mom kept looking at me helplessly. At one point I said "Well one good thing, I figure by next year it'll either be over with H or a helluva lot better." Then last year... TSO was about 5-6 weeks post 2nd bomb. At the concert I said "Well, guess I was wrong about what I said last year!" So this is a pretty big deal to me both that things are so much better, and that H is going.
Then... Thanksgiving which we've decided to host at our house. Last year was me, my friend, and her dog and we had a wonderful time. This year, looking forward to a wonderful time with the "big family dinner."
And we all know what happens after Thanksgiving - whoooooosh and before you know it it'll be Christmas and then our New Year's party!
We are hosting so many things the next few months, I think we may be insane! And I am sooo happy for it.
I try not to do TOO much looking back, but it's sure an amazing contrast to look at 2 years ago vs. 1 year vs. today.
OK finally an update and I get all wordy!! I know.. me?.. never!
Thanks all for checking in. I hope to be on a little bit more soon to offer support and hugs, but not sure how likely that is given everything that's going on. Maybe if I finally start actually having a lunch hour again though.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I need to talk to my MIL and see if they're doing TSO this year. Oh wait, that might be my drill weekend. $h!t. Well, I'll see if I can make it anyways lol.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
