Ultimately H will have to sell off some of his farm stuff to pay for the D, so he will lose his farm dream (for now anyway)
this is not for you to worry about. Dan is making a choice here. All this is his to lose.
There is no winner in this. You will survive no matter waht and I'm sure Dan will also. We all seem to find a way to move forward, some take longer than others.
You are right, I will make sure they have the best lives they can possibly have from this point forward. I will NEVER fight w/H in front of them again, no matter what, even if I bite my tongue clear off or grind my teeth down to nothing...
I want them to feel safe and loved to the best of my ability.
Meanwhile, I got news from the dr. that my labwork came back (I had that hormonal testing stuff rechecked after they thought I may have a brain tumor, but the CAT scan was clean). Anyway the dr. message today was that the lab tests I had done 2 weeks ago came back and based on them they sent off for MORE testing. That testing is not back in yet. Don't know what that is about...for some dumb reason I relayed this info. to H in a Voice Mail around 9:30 this morning. Regretted it as soon as I did it, I don't want him thinking I am going for sympathy b/c I am not. I am just used to him being my "person" when stuff like this comes up, I will learn to stop doing that...
Anyway he has called my phone 3 times and left a text message wanting me to call him about what the dr. said. Why the heck does he care now? I haven't attempted to call him back.
And Mike it isn't that I am focusing on what H will lose (his farm), I am just seeing that from a birds-eye view I don't see any winners emerging from this...
No, there are no winners, except maybe OW. But we have no proof she is in the picture.
You have taken the blame for much too much in the past. This is HIS decision. You have tried everything to hold the family together and allow him to achieve his dream. If he throws it away while discarding you as the sacrificial lamb, he will have to take responsibility for it.
He sounds so much like Kalni's H. And I think he will react like Kalni's husband. When you have moved on mentally in your life, he will have 2nd thoughts. Not until then.
bbj, nothing i can say that your support group hasnt already. Dans tunnel vision may widen in time, but you dont deserve to have wait for him to get his head out of his ask. your kids WILL be your strength through this. Youre in my prayers. Take care.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
I can say that after a year (and 10 months since filing), I have observed that the WAS can change when they realize they are going to lose you and that their poor choices now have consequences.
Most say no one wins. I dont agree with this for long term. Even though it is not a competition, you can make your kids and your life better. And your H, even if you get divorced, can also better himself. I am more of an optimist that refuses to accept doom and gloom of divorce. It is all about personal choices in life.
You may say now that if you get D'd that you wont ever date until the kids are grown, but there are lots of good guys that would highly desire a good wife such as yourself. Just keep an open mind.
That hitting the wall is pretty scary when a man with testosterone does it. My W did the same thing in the garage one night a year ago when she was so angry at my pleading and using logic. I told her to hit the heavy bag instead of breaking things which she then tried and I could not help but laugh a bit.
Besides IC for him, did you ever consider getting him the "Hold on to your NUTS" book? There are many of us guys here that treat that like thee manual of how to be a good husband.
I finished my 5 mile-leg in 47 minutes. I was estimating 50 minutes since it was my first ever 5 mile race, so I was happy with the results. Turns out I was the fastest of all 5 of us... We finished in 4:27 for 13 miles. My mental goal was 4:30 so we beat that, too. (The team goal was under 5 hours, but I had higher hopes!)
Anyway the guy that captained the team sent us out an email asking when I actually crossed the starting line, so he would know our actual race time. I emailed back that I didn't cross until 2:25 into the race since I was in mid-pack. I said I would love to come back if they would include me again next year.
He sent me a reply that he was afraid I wouldn't want THEM back!?!
I think I might love him...........just kiddin'
It felt good and now I have my sights on a 10K for March and a 12-miler for May. Plenty of time to prepare...
Glad to be called youthful! Feeling decrepit today... Ok just a little sore in the calves, nothing some Biofreeze can't fix!
So I just took the plunge. I called an attorney my sister (she is an attorney) recommended. I just gave his assistant the outline of the current sitch (H wants a D, hasn't filed, I just want to be prepared and know what to expect). She thinks there is a 1 yr residency requirement for both of us which means he couldn't file until next July, But she is asking the attorney and he will call me back. I am not filing, but want to be prepared.
We finished in 4:27 for 13 miles. My mental goal was 4:30 so we beat that, too. (The team goal was under 5 hours, but I had higher hopes!)