Thanks for making me feel all twinkly and enchanting.
I'm trying to figure out a way to let him know not to do that. Guess I'll just write a letter to my lawyer since talking to him doesn't help (he does this when he wants something).
Just the way we all have different handwriting, so we have individual speeds and goals as a divorce becomes reality. I am flamboyantly cautious. The one thing divorce is doing is teaching me to trust my gut instincts and that's what I'm listening to now.
It's been a very busy and gratifying week with my parents and brothers around. My dad and I even had an unexpected healing talk where he admitted to the effects of his actions on my sister and I as children. Instead of just nodding and moving on (that his admission was enough) I spoke to him.
"You know Dad, I've spent most of my life filled with a certain level of anger and bitterness based on what you did to me as a child and how it's influenced about every aspect of my life.
When spouse left I felt that same anger, injustice rising up. I realized I didn't want to live my life with that underlying resentment and bitterness, that I had a choice in how I would deal with my life, my future.
In many ways letting go of this crap (current marital relationship) allows me to let go of what I've carried for years. I don't want a painful, hurtful event to negatively define me in my future. This level of emotional pain rips away the guilt and grudges from the past. That's my silver lining.
What you did was so wrong. The only good thing it gives me is perspective. I choose what to emphasize, to hold dear, to spend my energy on.
I know what's important.. my children, me, my family."
Pretty neat.
*hugs*
*cookie stands speechless & in AWE of the amazing GYPSY, thinking........ MY GOODNESS she slayed the mighty fire breathing dragon*
HUGS
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I'm finding all sorts of positives for being in the choir.
It gets me to church on a weekly basis, allowing time to reflect on what gives the greatest good.
I get to be first in Communion since no one else seems to like being first in line. They send the choir down first so we can sing away while others reflect and pray.
I do like singing and it brings a sense of peace, challenge and joy.
I smile alot.
I find the verses and hymns keep going through my head so I figure I'm praying and expressing gratitude most of the day.
Pretty neat, huh?
*hugs*
And with all the positive thoughts, the negative thoughts of my situation stay at bay.
Gypsy, as always, love your writing and insights. Like cookie, I am in awe of what you were able to accomplish with your father. I was able to forgive my mother after she died, but I don't know if I could have even wrapped my head around the real damage before that, let alone be able to look her in the face and let it go. That is an incredible amount of strength.
So many good things lie ahead of you, and I am sure that your prayers are heard. I hope we can get together for tea or whatnot soon.
Remind me how old your D is...? Maybe we can get together with kids in tow.
If you really sit down and think about it.. Flaws are built into each of us on purpose. Everyone has a shortcoming.. no one of us is perfect. No matter what religion you align yourself with.. that flaw is the essence of what makes us strive to be better.
Once you understand that you can't be perfect.. it makes the world a little easier to swallow. In understanding what your flaw may be.. it allows you to become more forgiving.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Just the way we all have different handwriting, so we have individual speeds and goals as a divorce becomes reality. I am flamboyantly cautious. The one thing divorce is doing is teaching me to trust my gut instincts and that's what I'm listening to now.
Good for you and living life to the fullest.
*hugs*
You are such a wise soul. I always look forward to your sage advice. You have been given the gift of clarity that many refuse to see. Gypsy, you have a talent of words, please never stop using them. Hope you will continue to see the beauty in each day!
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
I've never posted to you before, but it seems from Donna's post, as is Donna,you are geographically close to me, I read through your thread. Man, I am so sorry with kids in college, that he jumped out the door. Yes, fall here in the NE is beautiful. I do not, however look forward to the winter, especially after being in iraq last winter.
You've got a great way with words. Thanks for stoppoing over on my thread a while ago.
