I have browsed this site for a few months and just registered. I hope that you can offer me some advice on what to do in my current situation. H had EA for the past few months, just told OW his feelings three weeks ago and moved out for the second time. At that time he agreed not to enter a physical relationship until our marriage was over (cannot bring himself to say divorce) and would not talk to her or email her from our home. No papers have been filed.
I have been doing LRT with distancing for the past three weeks, and I thought the small results were pretty good. H is doing more around the house, calls me more during the day (I go dark during the work day, so if we talk, it's because he calls me), and offers a ton to watch the kids so I can go out. He also makes dinner, packs my lunch, fixes bottles for the baby for daycare the next day, you name it.
He is staying at an army base nearby in their visiting officers quarters b/c he will be deployed to Iraq for three months in Dec. He comes to the house at 6:30am every morning to help get the kids ready for school, comes for dinner every night and stays till bedtime. Sometimes we watch a little tv and chat afterward. Most nights he hugs me goodbye, asks if we're friends and if everything's going ok. I remain upbeat, put on my best smile and say "sure!", then move on to different topic, different room, whatever. I am determined to stay away from R discussions, and it's worked for about 3 weeks now. On weekends he comes early and leaves at bedtime.
On to this past weekend. Saturday we did lots of fun stuff with the kids then all went out to dinner. He raises his glass to toast when our drinks came (this was our thing on dates), we have a great dinner. We get back home and chat after the kids go to bed. He gives me a big hug, and leaves. I'm thinking maybe he's beginning to have a change of heart.
Sunday, he offers to grocery shop with our oldest. I snoop and find dozens of emails to OW. Nothing in the body, just ILU or miss you in the subject line from him. Her response is usually short, what she's doing at that moment, only once ILU. One message from her said"so will you be gone all this weekend, too?", so she's already demanding his time. I never revealed what I had found. I decided that making him confess would only end up hurting me in the end, so I kept it to myself. Funny, he became anxious and sick to his stomach later in the afternoon and asked if I minded if he leave early. I said sure. I wonder if he had plans. This morning he gives me the blow by blow of his evening, in bed by 8, etc. I don't believe a word he says now. I haven't spoken to him since and he just emailed me an hour ago with "how's your day?" in the subject and no message, same as messages to OW. It made my stomach turn.
The concrete evidence of this has shattered me. Seeing in print my H confess love to another is horrible to bear. This woman is 10 years older than him, and looks it (her pic is in the corner of her emails, another horrible reality check). How do you do it? I have struggled all day with where I want to go from here. This is not the man I married. My friends are worried that I am making it easy for him to cake eat. I don't think so, since I really detach well at home while he's there. How do you keep going knowing they are emailing from their phone in the bathroom or going to meet OW after they leave you in the evening? Please advise me on what to do. Do you see any positives in his actions at home?
Me:33, H:34 T10, M8 S4,S3,S9m ILYBINILWY 11/07 Separation 1 2/08-8/08 Back Home 8/08-10/08 Separation 2 10/08- Too many bombs to count:(
