I know that we are not supposed to suggest or advertise books to read that are not part of this site.
If I could tell you to read or ask if you had read this book about LOVE I think it is a MUST for anyone going though this. To BEin the place we are in we all know it is TOUGH. The book I am talking about I read a year ago when this first stated. I started reading it again I NOW see what I was doing that was not getting me anywhere. This book has taken on a whole new meaning. There is a time to forgive and forget but this needs to happen AFTER our spouse Re commits. If you forgive and forget before your spouse re commits themselves to the marriage then you are telling them what they did was not that bad and you forgive them. That is what I was trying to say earlier. Yes like Jak58 said he is still at home so there still is hope. You have been going through this crap longer than me but I will not go on any longer in this limbo. I have made the decision to move on. To start new.. I would like my wife to be in this new chapter of my life with me but she does not need to be. Don't get me wrong I still love my wife and always will. But like you said about your husband "pretending" everything is ok. If I go on I too will be pretending.. But you too will come to a point that you need to tell them... "Hey I love you and will do whatever it takes to make this work. But I need things from you. If you don't feel you can give me what I need then just tell me. I can't wait forever. I need to take care of myself. I need to find someone who can. Life is too short... Take care lady
Doc
Last edited by Dr LOve; 10/20/0802:08 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
[/quote] "Hey I love you and will do whatever it takes to make this work. But I need things from you. If you don't feel you can give me what I need then just tell me. I can't wait forever. I need to take care of myself. I need to find someone who can. Life is too short...[quote]
Wow Doc this was good I may have to use these words someday as this is just what I think even though I have trouble putting things into words since H doesn't talk.
Limbo Hugs
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I have actually just email H with that kind of sentiment, he knows I am not sleeping well, and asked me if I wanted him to leave. I don't, but I want things to change, and I told him that we are at a crossroads, which we can chose to go down to together, but if we chose that then we have to truly commit to this marriage, because I can't continue where I think he is only to find he isn't truly, I also said that there can never again be 3 of us in the marriage. So I await he response
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
If you are truly ready then this is great. But you need to be prepared. He just may say, I am sorry but "I can't give you what you want." It is easy for me to talk about this now because my time is still a few weeks away but from what I have seen I do think my W does want to try. She just needs a little push. I hope this does it.. But either way I have set my goal to start new one way or another.. With or without.and without will be very hard )(selling house,telling family) but if I want change I need to do it for myself Good luck Me
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Well he responded with he wants me and only me, and wants to stay and work on the marriage. So its a start, he also said that he wants us to start dialoguing tonight, so thats good if we stick to it. So I will work with this and not expect to much, and hopefully with him going to C tomorrow it will help. I do plan on asking him to make sure that he is honest with his C as otherwise it wount help, and also it will take more then a few sessions make him better. I am not going to put it as an ultimatum, but more that if this is real then he has to do whatever it takes to make it stick!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
It was always something we did after supper, I get home later, so once everyone is squared away thats when we still down and do it. I am looking forward to it, as we would always talk well when we did this.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!