Help, it seems my 35 year old wife is in MLC #12

[missmyfriend]

ILF, I can see it from your perspective and I am impressed with your ability to see it from differing perspectives. Often, I have seen and heard people express one way that worked for them. And sometimes that would work for another as well. I can't tell what would work best for me let alone for Imageer because he knows his wife best.

I can only imagine what may and may not work for Imageer since he and I have some similarities in our situations plus our wives appear to have similar personalities (all without actually meeting his wife ).

Something I have always been concerned about is whether my children would think that I am okay with the situation (my kids are older than Imageers btw) so I have said things like, "I love your mom, she is still my friend and I will always be supportive of her and not necessarily her actions. I know you love her and you have been hurt by her but I believe with every fiber of my being that she would do anything for your kids if the situation was serious enough. She has been an awesome mom for most of your life and I know she doesn't seem like it now but I am asking you to think of the mom she was and I expect you will see that person again."

It is a different sitch with Imageer because his children are smaller (plus my children are not aware of the OW like in Imageers situation. My W is acting like they are just friends).

If my kids do find out about the OW, it won't bode well for my W. I am praying that my kids will learn to separate that from her being their mom if they should find out. I have tried to gently warn my W from sharing this with the kids so their relationships are not strained.

Imageer, I read something very interesting the other day, from a ministry where the person leading it used to be in a homosexual lifestyle. He said a major mistake the church takes is trying to convert a homosexual into a heterosexual which is too much. He said they need to move the person into a relationship with God and becoming more holy. Instead most people think that if only the person could be with someone of the opposite gender, that would fix anything. The ministers point was that it was treating one problem with another.

He said that his problem along with many others that he has worked with really don't have a sexual identity problem but an image issue. They are dealing with who they think they are so they move to something else that is more acceptable.

He is now married, heterosexually, but he said he couldn't get there without dealing with his image or identity problem first.

I began to think about my W and then your W and what we have discussed and it completely made sense. Both of our Ws have a huge image problem with themselves. My W never has felt good about who she is no matter how wonderful I said she was.

And, I think that is why, in my sitch and possibly yours, we cannot be too loving to our wives. Let me correct that, we love them by being a true friend. We listen to them, we cannot save them financially or otherwise, we can protect them in a sense by supporting them with our children and with friends and other loved ones but letting them fail when they need to.

If they can overcome the image problem they have, which their lifestyle choice is the antithesis of, they can move back toward a real loving relationship with their spouse.