One of the interesting things that happened on Friday night, someone that I was talking to said "You know, you really look good. I told your H that the other day when I saw him, and he said "yeah, she's getting there." I said "well, he is having some struggles right now, he honestly does not see me as I am." She responded, "no kidding. I mean, has he looked at his own self in the mirror lately?" That made me feel good.
I just don't know what it is with these guys. I don't think it has much to do with the "fixer" in them. To me it feels more like H feels cheated that he has to deal with my illness. He has some natural selfish tendencies and I think he resents that this has become a part of his life. He is also very scared that I am going to get sick again and die. Or that he is going to die. I mean, every little ache and pain that he gets lately makes him fear that he has cancer.
He is having to face his own mortality and he doesn't like it one little bit.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
