Hi Fish, I certainly do remember your months of craziness! It's something I think we all go through on different levels when we first get hit with this stuff. Part of my recovery also requires, as you have done, some honest analysis of my "crazyness". I tend to put myself forward as a victim of the two ladies I tried to connect with in different ways. Yes, their treatment of me was inappropriate and could have been handled in a more delicate, caring manner but people are people. As a Christian I am told that people will f@ck up, that's part of who we are. My Pastor once said "in difficult situations good people will often do some pretty bad things". That is life. Now, on my part, I pursued a friendship with someone who was NOT available. I put her in a difficult position where she wanted to support me but also knew we were treading on thin ice. I should have shut that down myself but I wanted the validation and kept going. Although I was a gentleman and did not pressure her for anything else, I set myself up for problems and I got em! In the second case, this person was very hot and cold which should have been a very clear warning sign for me, but I proceeded anyway and again had a bad experience. So in some ways I was a victim but in others I put myself in situations where I could get nailed and wasn't in a place emotionally to deal well with that kind of outcome. So it's live and learn, just as you have.
