Ready to GAL...Drop the Rope...Detach..3...

[ddstartingover]

I really am at a point that I wish I could be done with H. I want to give up on him and move forward and just be. But I still love and care for him so deeply and worry about his health, and about how his behavior and actions affect our children. I asked my C for help. She said I'm grieving...............need to give it time and learn about how to deal with the loss. I asked if I should file for D, to help me move forward and she told me she didn't think I was ready and/or needed to do that now. I don't know. I am just sure that I need to give up on him.

I read a post from NAEJ that said she wished she had been able to do it 4 years before she did---regretted giving her H 4 more years of her life. I know that as strongly as I feel about wanting my M and family back, my H feels just as strong that it's over and/or he doesn't feel anything at all.

I don't know if it's alcohol, or the cloudiness of MLC, but he just doesn't make sense half the time. Last night he dropped D11 and S9 at the house and said that D15's boyfriend's dad would be dropping her off after they had dinner. He stood at the door to leave and said, I think D15 is home. He looked outside and then closed the door. Called the dog, asked her to go out and check, and then closed the door. He stood there awhile and finally shrugged his shoulders and left. I waited for a while, thinking D awould be coming in, but finally went outside to find no one there. I was confused. I called H and asked if he knew were D was, and was confused because I thought he said she was there. He denied it. Said no, she was never there...............that he knew he was being confusing. Said D should be home around 9. I waited and waited for D, I tried to call her, no answer. She finally came home at 9:30 and said she was sorry she was late----that boyfriend's dad was trying to pack for a trip and was running behind. I said, why didn't you call to ask me to come get you? She said that dad said she needed to get a ride home.....................There were other incongruencies over the weekend, but this one sticks out.

He is not the man I married. He is not the man I've known and loved for 28 years. I truly believes he needs help, but won't get it. I'm almost at the point that I feel I need to ask his friends to help him. I know I can't. I may not ever have him back, but he's going to self destruct. His behaviour is destructive and I'm worried. I need him to get help so he can be there for our children. Together or apart, they need us both.