So anyway H comes totally unglued. He tells me that whenever he puts the kids to bed, they actually go to bed. Why does D refuse to go to bed for me? What do I do on the nights he isn't here? Why did I bring them home at 8 pm when I know that is their bedtime? They shouldn't have been to my mom and dad's for that long...I had not changed one bit, all I talk about is how we can make changes but I had not changed at all, all he asked was for the kids to go to bed at 8 and I brought them home at 8
I said, "I had them home at 8. Our plan is to read books and brush teeth at 8 have them in bed at 8:15 I thought I was right on time"
I finally put D to bed at 9:20, S was awake!! He asked why daddy and I were fighting........
Went out and told H, so we stopped talking. H iced his hand from punching the wall, thought he may have really hurt it...Then we talked a little bit. H said he "tried to do the things I want to do" such as movies, going for a drive, etc. But that we are "fundamentally two very, very different people". He said he doesn't like going to the movies--wow who knew? He used to take me to the movies a lot when we were dating, I suppose he did it just b/c I liked it??
He said it was the nicest day of the fall (ok, sure) and I wanted to spend it inside, which meant I didn't "get" him at all. I said not true, the first thing I asked you to do was go for a walk w/me, I would have loved taking a walk around the farm, checking out the cattle, etc....I told H I was always asking about the cows and trying to be more involved in his interests.
H says, "Trying to be involved, you don't fundamentally like what I like you only try to b/c I like it"....I said, No, you know we have talked many times about he first time I looked at you as a possible boyfriend back in high school. The day I passed you in your car and you had your cowboy hat on the passenger seat. I said right then I thought to myself, "I want to be with a cowboy like that." [This was even a dialogue topic at Retro, he knows very well I was attracted to his cowboy-ness]
H says, "You wanted a cowboy to sit on the couch and go to the movies with you"
It proceeded like that and then I just stopped talking, it wasn't helping. I wanted to do everything with him, go to cattle shows, help out in the fields, but we have 2 kids and they are only 6 and 2. The past 2 years D had been to little for me to go out and do chores with Dan much. Now the kids are finally to an age I could get more involved but he says too little, too late.
This morning I told H it was easier seeing him w/OW than hearing him say FU I hate you. He said he knew that and he would forever regret saying that to me. That he did not hate me at all, never had. He loved me, always had, always would.
We are going to hammer out some details tonight as to how to break it to the kids/scheduling/etc. Funny the last thing he did was gather up his stuff for the dry cleaners. He came in to find me and asked me if I had anything he wanted me to take to the cleaners?
He asked why daddy and I were fighting........
