TxMom- help I'm still hopeful -#2 post

[saffie]

TxMom,

I think you need to distance yourself a bit emotionally from your H if you can. It is unlikely that there will be a 'quick' fix. Your H is very much in the heady throws of the A with the OW and he can't see the situation at all clearly. He is revelling in the emotional high he is feeling from being desired by OW, (whilst knowing he also has a back up plan at home in case it all backfires with her). Imagine how fantastic it must feel to know you are wanted by two women - urgh

If you can, treat him as an acquaintance rather than anything more. Be polite etc. but do not get into emotional talks and the like. Keep contact to what is only necessary- I know you need him to help with childcare whilst you work, but don't extend that time....unless it is for a reason like you needing rest etc.

Let him think you are moving on...or at least DON'T give him reassurance by letting him know you will be there waiting if it all falls through - you are worth more than being his back up plan. Often people on these boards have success when the WAS realises that the BS is moving on in some way and they can see that the path home may no longer be open.

I think that you are going to have to wait a while for the fog to lift....probably a minimum of 6 months for the shine to start to diminish re OW.

Don't keep temperature testing the R all the time - I know it's hard not to but it makes the journey so much more of a rollercoaster. And bear in mind that when your H talks to you about your M being over he is having to justify his actions to both himself and you....what you hear is going to be a censored, sanitised version; I doub't he is sharing with you his worries about his actions.

Look after yourself and your children....that's what matters.