I've read that one of the first things to disappear when a M breaks down is intimacy and as I've found out it's one of the last things to return. In the case of some WAS or certainly mine, they don't explicitly say they are working on the M, they kinda creep back and hope the past is forgotten. My W has never made any clear statements about working on the M, the one time I indirectly mentioned the past she got defensive and angry. She said she never thinks about the past (and whats shes done), all that is behind her. If I'm honest I still think about all that stuff every day, sometimes I struggle, but in the main I can keep a lid on it. We've never had "that talk" and I don't think it's likely to happen, I'm informed by Rob1231 that a M can be repaired without having to have that talk, so that's the approach I'm following. To pinch a phrase from GFI I just KBO. (keep buggering on)
Sex and intimacy is a big part in any M, and sometimes it comes across that I'm always after it with W, cos that part of the M is always a good barometer of how things are going. From the outside looking in at my barometer a lot of people would say "sack it" walk away. But if I look back, 2004 - 2007 sex only happened once maybe twice in the year , this year 2008 we've surpassed that so that is a positive direction. We are not at the point where it's sex onece a week or even once a month, but it took a long time to get us to this low point so I guess it will take a long time to get us back to what ever a good point is. I can also look at other positive points, like W actually wanting to share a bed with me, back in January she didn't even want to be in the same room. A big thing I have to remember is W was in PA with OM which overall spanned 2 years, and she probably checked out of the M a long time before that, so that's a lot of stuff to get out of her system and a lot of stuff to get right in her head.
So piecing is tough, and to get to a point where both partners are happy takes along, long, long time.
