Lan, I seem to remember not long ago when Border Patrol was hyper vigilant. And then somebody suggested you "stick your neck out"', "take a shot", "make a move", ... I suppose you wanted to warm up the engine before you took her for a spin, but when she's low on gas ...
It seems the moves forward are being recognised well in advance, so land mines are being laid and the DAM is fool enough to step on them. Never mind the border I'm getting trapped even before troops receive their final briefing.
In plain speak, I used to remember arguments starting out of nothing, and I'd think WTF where did that come from. But on reflection it's easier to rebuff someone you're arguing with rather that someone who's been a good boy. I'm recognising similar patterns of behaviour creeping in, admittedly on both sides. Bottom line is I think I need to sit down and take a look at me again cos I have not control over the way she feels or thinks. Argument don't start out of nothing, somthing sets her off, funny thing is I can now recognise being set up, and its difficult to avoid.
On a lighter note I plan to start swimming with D7 on Sunday morning, all sounds good. However, W partially scuppered that, as we can only go every other week, oh and start next week. The fortnightly plan is cos D7 hair and skin is sensitive to the Chlorine in the water.
Lan - From the outside in here, I'm a little lost with where you are at with you W. You both supposed to be working on this M right ? and I know you don't want to force the issue, but is it time to maybe ask when something is going to happen ? How long do you wait ?
I know that is not the be all and end all, but there may be a reason for your W not wanting to and you have no idea. Don't want to put anything in your head, just an observation.
I've read that one of the first things to disappear when a M breaks down is intimacy and as I've found out it's one of the last things to return. In the case of some WAS or certainly mine, they don't explicitly say they are working on the M, they kinda creep back and hope the past is forgotten. My W has never made any clear statements about working on the M, the one time I indirectly mentioned the past she got defensive and angry. She said she never thinks about the past (and whats shes done), all that is behind her. If I'm honest I still think about all that stuff every day, sometimes I struggle, but in the main I can keep a lid on it. We've never had "that talk" and I don't think it's likely to happen, I'm informed by Rob1231 that a M can be repaired without having to have that talk, so that's the approach I'm following. To pinch a phrase from GFI I just KBO. (keep buggering on)
Sex and intimacy is a big part in any M, and sometimes it comes across that I'm always after it with W, cos that part of the M is always a good barometer of how things are going. From the outside looking in at my barometer a lot of people would say "sack it" walk away. But if I look back, 2004 - 2007 sex only happened once maybe twice in the year , this year 2008 we've surpassed that so that is a positive direction. We are not at the point where it's sex onece a week or even once a month, but it took a long time to get us to this low point so I guess it will take a long time to get us back to what ever a good point is. I can also look at other positive points, like W actually wanting to share a bed with me, back in January she didn't even want to be in the same room. A big thing I have to remember is W was in PA with OM which overall spanned 2 years, and she probably checked out of the M a long time before that, so that's a lot of stuff to get out of her system and a lot of stuff to get right in her head.
So piecing is tough, and to get to a point where both partners are happy takes along, long, long time.
We've never had "that talk" and I don't think it's likely to happen, I'm informed by Rob1231 that a M can be repaired without having to have that talk, so that's the approach I'm following. To pinch a phrase from GFI I just KBO. (keep buggering on)
Well, you took the words right outta my mouth.
KBO, Lan!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
MC is a dirty word to W so that's out of the window. I had 6 sessions of IC provided by my employers but that didn't work out cos the therapist wasn't up to dealing my sitch, she was just stunned by the events I was telling her about and she just used to listen to me open mouthed. This site is my therapy and it effectively saved me and gave me the strength to take a shot at saving my M so thats what I'm working with.
Fb2, W now works 4 hours Saturday and 4 hours Sunday mornings. Saturday is ok cos D7 has a dance class and can be kept occupied. On Sundays I need to find more activities so I'm rotating between feeding the ducks at the park, swimming, going to church (sorry I don't go every week)and anything else I can think of. Actually with the swimming I was to have started 2 years ago, but with various bombs going off I've not been in the right frame of mind to be that attentive to D. Plus it was nice to update on somthing other than trying to get my leg over, I didn't want that to be come a running joke on this forum.
Rob,
Somtimes I have flashbacks, bad dreams, somtimes I can't sleep, but all I know is that these feelings will get less and less in time. I can feel some changes, for instance I don't go into the newcommers section too much, Arthur was the last one I hooked up with and he was in a right old state but look at him now. I don't spend all day in work on this site, I have done that in the past, so thats some progress. So as I've said just I have to keep pushing on KBO.
N_A, I hope it all pays off in time and I eventually have a nice tight loving M with W. I can't ask for more.
