I appreciate your opinion too ---but you and I have one big difference seemingly. I truly believe that the Lord has directed me to stand for my marriage --plain and simple. I and many others like me are totally convinced that this is the path that the Lord has set us on --and we are going to see it to the end.
When you are convicted that this is what the Lord wants you to do --it is NOT wasting one's life nor one's time. And already I can say that I have grown and learned more about life, my faith, etc than I could have in any other way.
Remember too ---that there are many on this board who may post for a while --and then quit. Like me --they have not made contact with others who are on this site --so when they disappear --no one knows what happened.
Since MLC has happened in my life ---I have encountered many folks who have known or experienced MLC with a loved one or friend. Also I am in another rather large MLC internet group --so I have been aware of the progress in those situations. In MOST cases the MLC'er finally does try in some fashion to re-connect. But a common problem is that the left behind spouse has given up long ago and is no longer available or willing to revive the relationship. It takes a faith conviction to see this through. It is almost impossible to "stand" for the marriage without this inner conviction.
I wish you well --Braveheart. You never know what the Lord has in store for any of us --and one day that wife of yours may show up on your doorstep! Blessings --- Ottocat
Ottocat, I wish you well too! I think that I am very misunderstood because I am so blunt spoken. I am not a bitter, resentful, or mean person. I just have beliefs like everyone else and I stand by them, it doesn't mean that I am unflexible though, if I see that I am wrong, I will change them. As for my XW showing up one day, LOL well I am afraid that I closed that chapter of my life, I don't want to reunite with her, way too much hurt and mean things said and done for me to get past. I am very happy with my life right now.
BND - I have heard those words before and that is part of my past that I lost when I was 10. I lost my hearing and although they repaired some of it...they were not able to repair the part the hears the tone of the voice. It brings tears to my eyes that I have hurt so many people and have offended so many people of the years. It is not what I want to do. It is hard to change - it's only been 4 weeks since I could hear the difference. I do appreciate you pointing it out to me. Fortunately, I have enough people in my life who love me and accept me the way that I am that it didn't affect me too badly. I know that it did cost me some relationships over the years. I apologized and apologized to my husband for my short comings and that is what it was and is. I apologized to my dad, by brothers and their wives and my daughters and my step son. The women understood, the men, well my dad just wants to know what he could have done differently all these years to help me. When you don't understand what the mistake is that you are making you can't help people understand how to help you.
BND - if I hadn't heard the difference in the tone four weeks ago I wouldn't have understood what you were trying to say to me. I'm sorry - I will work on it but I know that it will take a long time - probably years - to correct the writing, the thinking, and the tone of everything that I do. But I want to try. Amazingly it is my husband who - even though he is in MLC - is the one who is being most patient with me on this. He can tell I'm trying and that there is a difference. It is a very humbling experience. The only person that I will never be able to make it up to is my mom. I regret all of those times that I was nasty to her because I just didn't know.
All - I have just spent time reading a lot of posts here for the last several days. I am truly sorry that I ever complained here on this site about my life. I have nothing to complain about compared to what most of you are going through. I apologize for even mentioning what is happening in my life.
I hope and pray that everyone gets in life the desires of their heart. May God bless you all.
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
((((((Snow))))))
A few months after my Husband left, and after I was done blaming him and started to take notice of some of the things he said, I saw myself for what I was and it was ugly.
For years and years I carried around the baggage of my past. My anger, my self righteousness, my judgemental attitude and many many more things that I just don't have the time to list.
My Husband had told me for years that I was a fighter. What he never really understood about me was that I lived in survival mode. Nothing came easy for me, and I felt I had to fight for my rights.
One day, during my purging period, I asked God to show me if the things that I had been told by my Husband were true, and if they were, to help me to become the Woman of God I was destined to be.
I swear to you, this is exactly what the Lord told me....
" BND, Yes you are a fighter, and this is how I created you. But as my Daughter, you are also a Princess, and to be a prize fighter you need to have a manager. I am going to manage your fights, but you have to trust me".
From that moment on, although my life was totally falling apart, my Husband was gone, I had no money, no income, and eight children to care for, I began to change, and I stopped so much of the bad behavior.
I learned how to be still and to sit in the Refiner's Fire. And even though nobody in my life except the people on this board, here in Cyber Space suported me, I learned exactly what it meant to be a Stander.
Snow, it is hard work, as you already know. And there are no guarantees for anyone. But in my mind, I already made the decision that my Marriage was worth fighting for, even if my Husband was acting like a schmuck.
I wanted a better Marriage then I had before, and made the changes that needed to be made for myself. I got to a point that I was happy, and I was living my life, not just existing.
I think that my Husband noticed the changes just from my voice, because when he would call, I did not sound sad and depressed anymore. I was upbeat and jolly.
Thank you for sharing, I am very proud of the humility you have, and the faith you exhibit.
(((((((hugs))))))
BND XXX
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I know it is hard to stand and I myself have been strugging in here.. especially since last night and today.I found out he came into town to see her, he would not even pick up my sons or daughters phone calls,she has a home of her own but they stayed in motel rooms and ate where we used to eat.that cut like a knife right thru me.Why would they not stay at her home? I gues my H thought I would drive by or something. or then again could be her kids dont agree with their Mom's behaviour.Dating a married man.
Who knows why things happen.I look at your situation back when you were standing in here and I think... now that was hard 8 children no money and a sick child, so what do I have to complain about.I am so blessed but I am very angry right now ... with God, with him ,with her.I have felt that God is so far from me right now.it feels like I forgot how to pray to him.
I know it is just me but I need some encouragement in here. I am tired of it all and it has only ben a little over a year since this madness started.
I dont know if I can make it... I feel as if God is so ashamed of me for doubting and getting angry with him.I feel so alone right now.Please talk to me.. tell me things I need to hear and to keep going ... keep standing....
M-53 H-46 M-24+YRS BOMB-10/14/07 2-S 2-D Grandkids-7 Greatgrand kid-1 He needs space... Wants to start fresh new life W O/W Moved in his O/W Oct.08
IMRAT - I'm sorry I didn't get back to you and I hope that you come by here someday and see these. I didn't feel strong enough to help anyone. It is a long road and it hurts. Everyday it hurts...and I always wonder when it will stop hurting. I don't remember it hurting as much or as long with my ex. Since God is my pilot I am trusting him and everyday (sometimes several times a day) I leave it with Him. It is not easy but it is getting easier. When I have a question I now take it to God and ask Him for the answer I don't rely on what goes on here and what others say. I stopped taking polls God has my answers and He will answer when I ask. God only wants you to take it a day at a time anything else just over whelms us.
You can make it. You can do it. God is not mad at you because you doubt. He doesn't want you to doubt but He isn't mad at you. Do not let Satan rob you of any victory and any victory is a BIG victory. Take it one day at a time. Please ask God for your answers He will answer them. People can't guarantee you anything but God can and He does keep His promises.
I think that the thing that discourages me the most is when people (not God) tell me that God won't go against a person's free will. I have seen God work in a person's life to change that person's free will. Keep your eyes on God not on the circumstances and not on what other people tell you or what your spouse is doing. Keep your eyes on God. Change your prize from being the restoration of your marriage to the journey that you are having with God and where that is taking you. Treat your spouse as Jesus would and that is with unconditional love. When you do that and measure your progress on how you treat your spouse and not how they are treating you - you will feel better.
Where am I now - 2 years post bomb? Not where I want us to be but right where God has put us. I have many things to be thankful for. The holidays were hard for me because things weren't perfect but they were good. I thanked God all day long on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years for the good things that were happening in my life. (My husband was home all day on Christmas and he bought me three gift cards. MUCH more than I had last year.) Today, and for several months there is no longer the anger and yelling that went on two years ago. He doesn't look at me and blame me for everything wrong. He is doing things around the house - fixing it up and asking me my opinion. We spend more time together at the house. We don't go out and I don't know that I'm ready for more than just spending a little time together each day.
He has told me that when I am ready he wants to talk. I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready to be hurt by him and I don't trust him not to hurt me. Unless God changes my way of thinking I don't plan on telling him I ready to talk until the end of July 2009 (that will be a year since my mother's death and I'm giving myself until then to do some healing).
In the past few months/weeks I have realized that I am healing. I am still healing from everything that is going on in my life. I just didn't get hit with my husband's MLC I got hit in three major areas of my life. All of which would require 6-12 months of healing just by themselves. God has carried me through and He continues to heal me and carry me.
IMRAT - I have only made it through this by leaning on God. There is no other way for me. Grab hold of Him and hold on. He will carry you through this. That's a promise - from God.
Again, bless you all. May you look at 2009 as a year for healing for you.
Just an update because "someone" is moving and I believe it is God.
1. My boss at work has now requested a meeting with me and wants me to bring my union rep with me.
2. Mortgage company wants to start foreclosure on our house - says we haven't made payments in three monhts. Husband says that he has made all three of the original payments but not the additional payments that started three months ago.
3. Husband wants to quit his job and walk away from the house too. Says he is done with his job and trying to pay bills when the money isn't there.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
