So I am going through my facebook page seeing who is doing what and I come accross an old acquaintance of mine. He was in fact the counselor at the church where my ex and I took mandatory pre-marriage counseling in order to be able to be married at that church.
Funny thing.... I am now divorced.... and so is the counselor.
This was a large, high-profile Penetcostal church. This is so telling of the point of my original post. That the church as I have experienced it is does not have a realistic understanding of the state of marriages and what it takes to help keep them together.
This fellow, and let me clarify that it is not my intent to judge or malign him in any way, more that I am just further stating the point that continues to repeat itself to me.... this fellow is an ordained minister with a degree in counseling. He and his wife counseled probably hundreds of eager young wanna-be-marrieds. The principles and lessons they taught could not hold them together. Would one not think that a minister/counselor would have about the best odds of holding it together? They had a few kids too.
My point is not to knock the church. Merely to say that it appears to me that we need some greater understanding of what it takes to make a marriage successful and to save a troubled marriage than the what many churches think it takes.
I guess what makes it so much an issue with me is that the teachings were delivered so matter-of-factly. And often condescendingly. It was just plain ignorance.
Maybe I am just expressing my disappointment with myself for having believed the party line and professed it to others. (Meaning being an evangelistic Christian and part of a large church that professed to have so many answers).
I guess perhaps I ache for something better, more effective, more practical. In terms of building a solid marriage, I think I find more effective wisdom on message boards like these and in the teachings of people like Michele W-D, Dr. Phil, Dr. Gottman, and many others.
Maybe I am having a hard time reconciling my belief in God as I still do, with the failings and ignorance of the organizations that profess to be "his people" and his representatives.
Well.... as you may conclude by my perpetuation of this thread, I remain somehow disturbed over the whole matter. I cannot deny what I fundamentally believe... meaning the Bible.... it just appears to me to be true.... I cant get away from that or disregard it. I am just uncomfortable with the predominant organizations of people who attempt to represent this same faith. They seem so often like mindless cattle who have just as ignorantly bought into the same system that I once did.
I guess it doesnt help to see my XW and the OM togther in an organized "Ministry". Perhaps my cynicism is understandable in this context. I wish not to sound like a victim here. I am not beyond hypocrycy by any means.
