God grant me the patience and the strength...8

[theotherhalf]

Thurs H came after taking a load of beans in. He came in all nicey nice. Asked me if I was in a better mood today. WTH?!?!?! I wanted to scream at him. But didn't, just shook my head. I had made stew for supper and it was on the stove. He asked if he could take some home. I said sure, and that I hoped he choked on it. He laughed. He didn't stay long and left for home. I sent him a text that said "I hate you..." later he texted me back and said "why is that?". I just said "it doesn't matter".

Friday H was here when I got home from work. He hung up a little while then went for home. Again he was in a good mood but sarcastic towards me. In a flirty sort of way, H's way. He worked. I stayed home by myself. Put in a movie and rested on the couch. Was in bed by 10. Pretty pathetic huh.

Saturday I worked in the house cleaning and catching up. Got my potatoes dug and readied the garden to be plowed. H and BIL showed up about 1. Went and hayed cows. My B and SIL and nephew came. We all just kind of hung out all day. Shot BB guns and messed around outside. H's nephews B-Day party in evening but told BIL I wasn't going to go. One of 2 things would happen. I would end up at H's and my feelings would get hurt again, or 2 I wouldn't go there and that would hurt too. So it was better to just stay away. I told BIL that it was time for TOH to do something different and that may mean to cut the ties. He said he understood but they would miss me there. H never said a word about the party. But him and BIL left to go. I stayed home. Later in the evening I sent him a text "I really do hate you..."

About 10pm. H calls. He had just left the party. He said he had thawed out a couple of ribeyes, if he brought them out would I cook them. I said I would. He asked (laughing) what the text was about, I said "like I said, it doesn't matter, it just is". He came, we ate, he laid on the couch. We talked like old times, and watched TV, he fell asleep, I went to bed.

Today he slept in as he has to work tonight. I made breakfast. He ate then back to the couch. I went to church never said where I was going, he didn't ask. I got home he was still here. BIL's showed up to practice shooting bows. We all went out. I even shot and hit the target. H was again very sarcastic and rude but trying to be funny. I just blew him off. Or threw it back.

All in all a good weekend. I missed the girls as they weren't here much. But we spend all week together, so we'll catch up. VB is over thank goodness so we'll get a break before BB. Hurray.

For me, I feel I've put the anger in check. I'm still feeling mad as h*ll but what can I do about it. Nothing. So I'm dealing with it. I have more of a "whatever" attitude with H. And it's really hard for me to be "chipper" with him right now. But I am pleasant, mostly. Today H really seemed ticked at the world. Like usual, like he's mad that he come here last night, but if that was it, then why stay today. ??? Who knows, whatever...He stayed for a bit after BIL's left. Kind of got the impression he was thinking of hanging out. But didn't he went home.

So, this man that acts like he hates me, was again here all weekend. He commented to D17 that I didn't go to the B-Day party. She told him yea, because he didn't ask me to go. He said he shouldn't have to ask. She told him, yea, she's not going to just go. He said nothing about it to me. And after the party he comes here. So once again I am shaking my head. I really don't get it. It just doesn't make any sense. If he really "feels" what he says, then why is he still here??? But yet, he still goes home????