I prayed for a long time for God to help fix our marriage and give me strength. Then I stopped. After a while I began to pray that he give me the strength to get through this, that my children be happy and that I find real love. All nice and sweet. Then I read something my dear friend Karen posted.
She said she did pray sort of like I did and then she started praying for acceptance of God's plan for her life. Really such a difference I think. It is really liberating. We always seem to be asking for this and that and at times it must sound as if we are children on Santa's lap.
But just asking for acceptance, can't get much simpler or purer than that. I usually am not one to express my views on faith and I am sorry if I have offended anyone. I just thought it might bring you peace.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I will update my thread so I don't completely raid this one..
Just when you think it can't get worse... please go to my new thread and give me serious advice because I'm at a turning point and I think playing it nice girl isn't working or it is just too soon... my H is committed to OW ... with his text he sent me today he sounds so done... after a good cry again today I feel so empty and can't understand when my H decided that he didn't even like me as a friend.. if I don't hear back from any of you I'll copy and paste into this thread.... I need to make some serious decisions of my plan of actions
First before I go off on mine... T2L - so good to hear your H is coming around some.. I think because it's been so long that you've even given him the day .. he has had over 6 months with OW now and he is open to your invitations.... as you know best keep guarded but also recognize the small things and keep doing them.. are you sure you want to go to plan B so soon... maybe little longer on Plan A??
Message from Church today:
BELIEVE God can do anything ASK God boldly Leave the answer to the WISDOM of God TRUST with an open hand
For us to have faith... turn it over to him and ASK for what we want...
more later... hang on ladies
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
Hi Kat thanks for that perspective. Your right, sometimes I find myself begging to God. He knows what we want, but we have to turn it over to him. Asking for acceptance of God's plan is a good prayer but I still ask God to work on my H.
It sounds like you are in a good place now. This is so new for me and my emotions are so raw. I am sure no one on this board will be offended. This is a great stich
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
txmom, update your stich. I just went over but it is not updated. We are here for you. It is a tough time -- lets help each other.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
T2L, I hope that all is going well. Any updates - good I wish. You give the rest of us hope on this board!
I did GAL on Friday by going to Irish pub to listen to Irish band which was nice. Not sure if I want to go back because I find it hard to be around single people. I don't want to give the impression I am looking for someone - I'm not. I got asked to participate in learning how to Irish dance on Wed., which I did turn down because I would have to dance with a partner. T2L, who do you dance with when you do salsa dancing? I find all of this very difficult.
Sunday, I watched a movie, read and took a nap. It was beautiful out but I think I needed time to just veg out. Today at lunch I will go to the gym and do Yoga.
I need to find more GAL but it seems everyone that I tell about my separation wants to drag me out to meet eligible men. I tell them I am not interested...at all. I know they are trying to help but that is the last thing I want.
Also same question--- is everyone on this board wearing their wedding rings? I am even though I practically cry when I take it off at night.
We have not told the work people yet (which of course makes it easier for H to carry on his A with his direct report) but I don't think I could deal with all of them and the gossip right now.
My SIL from Scotland called this weekend and I talked to her for an hour. She is very upset with the cheating and before my H would call her every few weeks and she said since the beginning of summer he has maybe called her 3 times and she knows it is because of his actions now. I think next time he calls her she will give it to him good. She practically raised him so her opinion is important to him (well up to this summer).
take care all. Where is Marisol and Twin hope
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Asking for acceptance of God's plan is a good prayer but I still ask God to work on my H.
I do both actually!!! I do think my H needs God's help. He's kind of broken and messed up so I do pray for God to heal him and help lead him back to the right path and all that. But I don't ask him to bring him back to me anymore. I mean I guess I pray more as a friend and for our children, really than thinking about our marriage like I used to. Karen
Hope I go back in forth wearing my ring and then not... I wear my wedding band more than the whole ring together... I wear it around H so he sees it too.... and I wear it around work people as I've told no one... I'm now at a point when I wear the whole ring it makes me so sad... for what it represents and what I thought I'd have with my H forever...
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
You need to do what makes you feel good. I wore mine showing my H that I still believed in our marriage and was fighting for it. He took his off almost as soon as the affair started.
I never thought I would get to a place where I actually feel ok and sometimes really good again. Somehow I am there. I can't worry about what ex is doing or who he is doing it with. I just try to help my kids deal with this and try to create a better life for us. I don't see ex in my future plans except that he of course comes and gets the kids but I don't share a whole lot with him. He might as well just be the chauffer service that I hire.
Hang in there I have seen complete flip flops here. You just never know when they are going to happen!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Nice to see some new posters to this stich. T2L, you got lots of catching up to do. Thanks for the info about the rings. I tried a couple times taking my off when I take a walk on the beach at night (sort of defiant behavior on my part), but now I find myself still attached to wearing it. I didn't leave the marriage, I am still committed and standing.
kat thanks for your thoughts. It took over 2 years to get where you did. I know you have accepted it and can move on in peace.
karen, my H too right now is pretty messed up, spending money like crazy and drinking, partying and of course being with the OW. I had seen someone write that they felt like their H is an alien. I feel that also right now. Once I awhile I see the fog lift up a bit.
Right now I am taking one step at a time. I have cried me a river but I am finally able to do most of that in private.
I always thought I would be H's wife, even though we drifted. I am trying to figure out what to do day by day.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hi everyone! Sorry to not have posted for a while...I was just reading everyone's posts and am getting ready to leave work.
I took off my rings about a month after H left. It just hurt too much to wear them. It was a constant reminder of what I thought I had and have lost. Even though it technically isn't over it feels like it sometimes. I just don't know how to save it or if it should be saved. I am still at that crossroads point that I do love him but then I ask myself do I want him and everything he has done back. When I am lonely I want him more than anything but when I look out and see a whole new world with new people and new opportunities I don't know if I want him back. Its so confusing and such an internal struggle.
I have to make that decision. Do I stay and fight or do I end it and throw in the towel (like many others have said).
Me35/H35 D16/SS14 M-1yr/known H 18yrs 1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35 2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21 Moved out 8/21/08 H filed D on 9/9/08
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
