Some of those first few lines sounded like me once upon a time.
Ouch.
There is definitely a "tunnel", though.
I had two separate conversations (one was with my D13) this past weekend in which things that happened a few years ago (when I was mlc) were mentioned. I drew a complete blank. I have zero recall and had to explain to her that some things that happened about 5 years ago I really do not remember. The second conversation was with my aunt who is out of work these days on disability. I thought she'd only worked at the plant for 3 or 4 years. She said no, she was there for 9. I had no concept of time and not a lot of recall except for the delusions.
It is bizarre, yes.
But the "tunnel" or "fog" of mlc is very real.
I think many people don't choose to stand up if and when they come out of it. And I am here to tell you it's because it's a b*tch. And it doesn't stop with verbal and emotional atonement. It is hard to stand up and repeatedly face the music. It just NEVER stops. Only true spiritual conviction and understanding accomplishes that, I am convinced, because I'd have kept on running and mounting self-deception upon outward deception until the day I dropped dead before I'd choose of my own volition to walk this walk.
The fact is that the truth will set you free.
But you have to truly seek it.
Most people don't because they don't have the stomach for it.
I really can't say I blame them.
But I sure wish sometimes that I'd have drawn the "you get to be a chickensh*t" card.
