Hi - I got locked again so here is a run down on my sitch:

years ago I began a texting type reltionship with my friends husband. The relationship grew and on 2 occasions we slept together which was not only unsuccessful (for him ) but it was not what I needed or wanted from the relationship. My husband consequently discovered a text message and I spent he next 3 years lying about the extent of the affair.

During these years my husband left me, returned and left me again. We had counselling and i realised that the love i needed and thought i was not getting was actually in my husband all the time. I deeply regreted my actions and finally confirmed with him what he believed he already knew and told him the truth. He returned home for 6 weeks and then 3 weeks ago decided to leave again. I am DEVASTATED.

I have done everything possible to get him back. Some days i do not know what to do with myself. My love and need for him is immense. The only thing i have not done is given him real space. I constantly text and call. We were married 23 years and have 3 teenage children.
We have so much to look forward to in the future and so much to loose. What can i do now ? Should i of continued to lie to him ? He still cares for me but i am not sure if he loves me now. He asks how can we make special again what we had. I think he has convinced himself that it is over and I know that it will take 2 of us to fix that. How do I convince him that i would never do that again, that I am so deeply sorry and that what we have is worth fighting for? I would love some help and suggestions. I know i am responsible and selfish to of done what I did in the first place. No one else knows of the extent of the affair even my friend.

I had heaps of great help. Hoping it still continues:

Right now I have an H who is very angry and hurt. He said something insightful once which, i have come to understand through the advice here. Trouble is I don't know how to help him as he no longer lives at home. I have been an open book with everything but he has not budged.

He Said " He needed to leave home because of the pain he constantly felt in the pit of his stomach. He said that pain is not there when we are separated because - we are separated, it does not matter what you are doing , we are no longer a couple.
'

So that pain was Trust. I don't know what to do !

Last edited by max030; 10/19/08 09:27 PM.