Fireproof.....well, not really

[faithisbelieving]

In the past, I have started 'goodbye' threads only to find myself still hangin' around here. I now know why. The courage and strength shown here is moving.

The pain of divorce is gender neutral. Men and women are hurt. Children suffer horrendously. I've ofttimes posted that if there is anything here that leaves me dazed and confused, still, is the inability to understand how....how...someone can convert from love to utter hate and disgust.

Is it genetic?
Environmental?
Nature vs nurture?
Psychological/psychiatric?

Or us? (hmmm)

Dunno.

The real challenge is how you handle this once 'reconciliation' clearly seems hopeless.

-What do you do when your boundaries are crossed?
-When, if ever, do you show anger?
-When do you do things that are defensive in nature, yet, piss the hell out of them?

Yes, Nicola, as much as it takes two to contribute to the demise of a marriage, it also takes two to desire to restore it. IMO, everyone here should follow DB principles for THEMSELVES and never stop. They should clearly recognize WHAT contributions THEY feel contributed to where they...we...are at right now. It then behooves them to put all those issues onto virtual yellow Post-It notes and stick them onto your intracranial desktop monitors...where popup windows will show up with "you're not listening messages", etc.

..but..this should all yield to forgiveness, especially to yourselves...especially if you've tried as hard as we all have here...to save our families. No matter what happens...even when my wife had the police after me on false stuff...I find it hard to hate her, as much as I feel she does hate me.

Yes...for the first time I will post here that I truly believe that my W hates me and I choose my words carefully.

But...I am better. I try not to post too much day to day, but, yesterday:

I took my S8 with me to my D's soccer game. I brought my camera with me and turned it on to take some pictures, when I saw the following:

No Media Card

My W stole the media card out of my camera. Fortunately, I had backed up the camera recently. There was nothing on that cam except photos...of family, kids, etc.

Initially, I was shaking and fuming and I was ANGRY. I counted to ten...spoke with a buddy of mine...calmed down, and, with a laugh and giggle, I left a VM for my STBXW:
-"hey...how do you expect me to take pictures for you of the kids..on Saturdays...with no media card. Please...when you are done...can you leave the card on the counter top near my things."

Finally....to KerryK..SPM...I admire you both as men and I am fortunate that you are both here on my thread. You both have great character and insight. To stronger, I concur with all you typed and I am glad you chimed in. Being the filer...is something that I must reckon with everyday. I once told my W:"We are stronger together than apart (DonH). YOU will have to file and destroy us." I never expected that someone could hurt you so much to go back on those words.

To FH...I sometimes think that marriage should be harder to enter than it should be to disintegrate.

To grace...yeah....if marriage is so....sanctified...why is the person who leaves or destroys it rewarded? I guess that's an ironic question considering that I filed here. For those that forgot, I filed because I couldn't take the pain anymore...the lack of commitment...the lies...the continuing pattern of OM's, whether it be an EA, PA or sandwiches in a park.

So..I am down one media card..another stealthy act.

I'm OK.

FIB