hello, There is a few things im going to say about ur sitch. First of all i can tell you husband is having alot of trust issues. See after my W first affair, i said i forgave, but deep down i didnt, for 8 years it got to the point where she could see it in my eyes. For some reason i felt that she owed me no matter what. Well i pushed away again. Her responce was for 8 years u never trusted me and waited for it to happen again, so it did. You see this last A in a odd way saved my life. I was in a depression, still hadnt truly forgave her, i let it leterley kill me on the inside. I have learned so much about myself and the gift of forgiving. But most of all how important it is keeping your spouse your best friend.
See we lost that so many years ago. Mostly my fault. I have realized that i married W for who she is not who i want her to be. Is it to late for me, probley is. She see's everthing she wants in OM. Except her family. My W tried so hard after the first A, but i never gave my heart back to her until now. So many mistakes, If only she knew everthing i know now.
On the kids thing, my daughter found out about the 2nd A from OM wifes diary that her daughter read and told my D. There relations has never been the same. My daughter is 14 then. D18 knew about the current A 6 months before me. My son knew nothing. About 1 1/2months ago i told my son, W was telling him things that made him think our current situation was my fault, please he had just spent 3days with w and Om at OM parents family get together, it bothered him after he got home. He had been made at me for 4day and wouldnt talk to me. Well i told him about the current A, that it just wasnt a new boyfriend that it had been going on for over a year.
2 min after i told him i 100% regreated it. He did thank me for not lieing to him, and telling him the truth. But the problem is, W puts up walls when this happens and always thinks the kids think of her as a tramp. I have talked to son about this alot, that he cant change his thougts of his mother. He doesnt, but she will always think he does the same as she thinks the other kids do. If you tell the kids, yes u both need to be there. And PLEASE no secrets. It will eat u up, W has made the comments it all out no, at least there is no more secrets.
But i know it is killing her at this point, see i tried for so long to save S15 from all of it but i just couldnt. I never wanted to affect S15 and W relationship. Just please remember, H is going to have lots of Trust issues. Be supportive and open, i think my problem started was when i feel jelouse or threated, uneasy, i didnt talk to W about it. I didnt let her know so she could help me thru it and reassure me. That is a major point that i failed on. I also learned alot from the book his needs/her needs. Wish i would have had it many years ago. Im a totaly different person/father now. Im fighting for my M with everything i have on top of makeing myself a better person.
W has to face her demons first, she is doing it slowly. She came from a very messed up childhood, lot of physical and sexualy abuse, no love showing. So i know that is alot of our issues to. I just wanted to give so advice about the trust thing, this will haunt him for a long time. I think i thought of our marriage as a contract, not a covient. W say that to. Not at first but after the A. The killer is TRUST, he will have to get that back and most of all truly forgive. If u tell the kids, please do so together, no secrets. But most of all treat them better, and dont think different just because they know. Sorry for the long post, i just hope some of this will help us some. Take care and good luck.
Sandi Hi come visit!
Me-39 STBXW-42 together 20yrs M-17 Kids-2 D-18 S-16 Bomb-96 Bomb-2005 bomb- 3/2008 for a year Separated 5/08 Filing in July Today.... Slowly learning a new life!
