feeling really down this morning, I have been doubting my faith and hope lately, I know it is the enemy who is doing this and I also know this journey is far from over,I found out he sent her flowers and could possibly be with him this weekend,he just recieved more money from his parents estate so I am sure he paid for her to come down.I try so hard and not be snoopy I have acess to his bank account without his knowledge of course,he bought something from FTD so I looked in there and of course it was the flowers website.
I found this out Friday when I did got in to see what he has been spending money on.I know it is wrong but curiosity got the best of me.I need to stop doing this.But I still love him so much, all I want is for him to open his eyes,but I know this is up to God,but I am only human..
When I was 22 yrs old,I left my first husband for another man, a married man at that,I never looked back, I did not know The Lord back then,and all I wanted was what I wanted and it was not my husband of 8 yrs. I left,my children,my husband my family,so in a way I know what lies ahead I never once called my X to see if he was ok, my entire family took him in because I was the one who was a WAS,for 5 years I had this affair with this married man,he promised me the world, he was separated, then he would return and so on this went on for 5 long years,but as far as my X being on my mind he was the furthest thing from it. So this saddens me because I have been there,
I was really happy with my new boyfriend buying him gifts and anything else could afford to buy his love,had a lot of heartaches while with him,but in the end after i guess of him being this way with his wife and family for 10 yrs or so he and his wife finally reconciled he made everthing better for her, which now that I see the pain she must of been in. how she must of prayed that one day god would bring him back home so I know that they will open their eyes and repent i sometimes wonder if this is why I am going thru this, some sort of payback.
I have asked God to forgive me for all I have done wrong in this life and that was one of those sins and I know I have been forgiven but it was something I am not proud of. But this lets me know what a long hard struggle I am in for and it reminds me of my past with this married man. i t was not all happy i missed being married,my kids,my family.
Just needed to vent and just talk to someone in here who really cares and knows what I am going thru.
