Okay you all, thanks for pulling me back to reality! I have got my head in a better place today. Husbands are addictive- a little time makes you want a bit more, a bit more time makes you want lots! I guess this is the signs that in our hearts it is not over, and I am not ready to give up.
I am seeing my own pattern today more clearly that after spending time with him I get more needy, want more contact and time, and this is usually where he pulls back and goes dark a bit. I just need to remember that not knowing what he wants can be a good thing- as he could know that he wants it to be over- and he isn't saying that.
I do think him coming over, putting the ring on is his way of trying. Of course it is great- but not sure it if is really dealing with any issues (his, mine or ours). But at least it gives me a chance to try to be the real me (not the person he perceived me as when he had to leave).
It could be all over by now and it isn't= not even close. How about some day we all take a trip- meet somewhere for vacation. A couples vacation with our husbands... They can just wonder where we all met.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
In fact I have even had dreams where I tell H about the boards. I think someday I would like to tell him about them...
Have you ever looked up the posts from happy_again? They are pretty interesting. It's a guy in MLC, and he starts out being REALLY negative with loads of spew, but he goes back to his wife. He said he found the boards because his wife had the books. Anyway very interesting to read his perspective and how he turns around.
Have you had R talks with your H any time recently?
-ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
well I pulled my head and heart out of whatever funk I was in yesterday. Sometimes my own little emotional rollercoaster takes me for a ride...
Went to the gym and felt great for the rest of the day (although a bit sore today). It has been a few weeks since I have been. I need to keep up with it though.
After H had gone dim for a few days he is back... He called right after getting done with things last night- although was really tired. I told him to stay at his apt and take care of himself, get some sleep. (I don't need him to come over if he is tired, crabby, etc. I would rather see him when he is rested and able to interact on a positive note...) I think this surprised him- a bit of a 180 for me.
So- he made plans to come see me this afternoon- we'll spend the day together. He also mentioned coming over Sunday evening so we could spend some more time together. I bought some pumpkins so we could carve them- I think that sounded like a fun activity- something different than watching TV or seeing a movie.
This rollercoaster is crazy!
Thanks for all the PMA messages.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
He came over this afternoon- a bit later than he had hoped. He had to be back this evening since he is on call... We went to get pizza and some videos. He suggested that we eat at home, and then take the videos back to his place. Whoo hoo!
This is a first for me! I have only driven past it once- the first week he left in July when I picked him up there to visit his parents for a ballgame (scheduled prior to our split). Soo- I got to see the man cave. Pretty crummy apartment, but the furniture looks nice. I did help him pick some of it out when he left (in case it ends up coming back home). Also strange to see things that I thought were 'ours' now 'his' and maybe in the future 'ours?' again. Our house is way better- although he does have all the nice electronics- boys...
Also he was in the mood for physical attention today- ML for the first time in over a month. It was good! Our house, not the man cave if there is significance to that.
gosh- I just feel like I am bursting! I should have bought a lottery ticket for today. And best of all- no R talk- just positive actions. I feel kind of married today.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
Well life always throws a curve ball. H's father ended up in hospital with cardiac issues. Was able to go be with the family on Sunday to visit. Seemed okay being part of the family.
Have always gotten along well with his step-mom and dad, so went up today to lend support while his cardiac procedures were done. He is home tonight, and for now things are under control.
H is very thankful that I was able to be there for moral support. I am using this as an opportunity to help- not because I think it will win my H back, but because his parents really need the support right now. It is always good to have a more neutral person around doctors when asking questions...
I am hopeful that this will be able to strengthen our relationship. I hope he can see that I really care about him and his family- no matter what happens.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
So far so good this week. H invited me to visit him last night (missed his call cause I was getting buff at the gym )
I did go over with some videos, and H said something like 'I needed my fried around'. That would be me! It is nice to not be the enemy... Yup- it ended up being a b**ty call.
It really feels a bit like dating. I think we may be slipping into the romance phase from friendship- and it may be a real slip this time, not a false step. I hope that is the case.
I do feel so lucky that we have been in constant contact the whole time since he's left. It has really helped give me the chance to DB. It is so hard to be supportive of them sometimes when you think about what your R is going through... But it really helps to be their cheerleader.
I so far have referred 2 other people to DB. I feel like our society has an epidemic.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
