How much do you think your children know about you and your H's R before the A? In other words, would they be shocked do know what led you to have an A? I think it would be something that you would certainly want to think over and if you think it would be "freeing" for you and since they are grown, then you may want to consider it. However, you said something that made me think you are still trying to protect your H and I really wished you would/could stop doing that. First of all, you cannot go back and undo what has been done. You cannot help your H through this issue that he has to get worked out by himself. If he is not going to listen to others, then he is not going to listen to you and he certainly is not going to accept any "help" from you, so you need to back off with that. I don't think you need to try to be the go-between him and the kids. He has to work his own R with them.....not you. You are feeling guilty! I can understand that, for sure! But, if you tell the kids about the A, be sure it is not so much for their R with their dad as it is what you need to do for your R with your children. Okay?
I know everything he says, does, doesn't do, etc. drives you crazy......however, for the time being, I think you just need to try to act as though you were not married and just consentrate on your own life and stop giving all your attention to him. After all, you need to heal and work through some issues of your own. As long as you are worried sick over him and the children, where does that leave you? You sound like a very selfless person who has devoted her life to her family. Then you made a mistake with that A and your H wants to punish you until he feels better. Well, you just need to let him be and work on you. I know that is easier said than done, but that is how I see it.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
