Wow, talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy, I can even make my threads lock now! I'm looking to get banned in the next year, it's a DBing goal. But for now, I'm back and...have nothing really to say at the moment. Later Dbers.
Well, Whatis just returned from picking up D at school, she'd been on a field trip and the bus was quite late returning. This meant that Whatis got to stand around waiting with a whole group of mom's. Now, a couple of months ago that would have seemed like a free buffet to me but today it wasn't. Previously, I would have seen this as a great opportunity to brush up on my social skills and make a connection or two, not today. There was a really nice looking mom beside me, no ring on her finger (which means very little I've discovered) and I kept strolling away only to look up and find her a few feet away each time. Now, I would have jumped on that a while ago but today I just froze inside and said nothing. I didn't want to interact, I didn't want to look foolish, be rejected etc. Finally she just walked away to stand with the other moms. I dont' know whether she wanted to chat or not but I didn't bother to find out either. Before I left to pickup my D I was reading in "Healing is a Choice" about the author's first coffee date after his divorce. He got set up by friends and met the woman, who showed up an hour late. It was very loud and he wanted to go somewhere else a little quieter so they could talk, she said no. So he stayed not hearing half what she said. When he told her that he was feeling kind of nervous because this was his first outing with a woman (good move guy! )since his divorce, she replied "I guess that's why you're so emotionally unavailable" He was devastated and didn't want to date again. It was like the whole of womanhood had just come down on his head and this all from a 20 minute coffee date. I guess nobody warned him about the evil Coffee Buddy syndrome But my point being, I've had a couple of pretty negative attempts at connecting and I don't wanna do it anymore either! I know you have to pick your butt up off the floor and try again but that's for another day. Right now, I don't wanna do it! Besides, I'm way too busy providing astute political commentary on the US elections here on the BB, I just don't have the time! Anyway, D had a great time on her trip.
Just to add to the above post, did I ever tell you folks about the great dating advice I got from my friends? Here it is, never date a woman that you have to see again. OK, so I'm supposed to ask strangers at the bus stop? But it would have to be a bus stop I'll never use again. Weird as it may seem, I always kinda liked to get to know a woman a bit, decide whether I'd like to get to know her better, ask her out for coffee and then watch her enroll in the Witness Protection Program. It's all too confusing for me!
((((wii))))) You have had a hard week - it is good that you took a break and stepped back a bit, but don't think that means that you will NEVER be up for making new connections again!
I think that it probably happens when we are least looking for it to happen. Get happy just being on your own, enjoying your freedom...be that "perpetual bachelor." Do what you want to do, go where you want to go, and if it is a place that is close to your heart (and there just happen to be women there, too), then one thing may lead to another naturally.
The other avenue is to try online dating...I'm playing around with it, but I honestly don't think I'm really ready. I dip my toes in and have gone out on a few dates, but its been more like a social experiment. I don't take anything personally, and I guess that's because I'm not really invested in it. My biggest problem is having time to devote to it - it is the least important thing in my life right now, so it takes the back seat to kids, career, family, friends, house, pets......not exactly a place any man really wants to be in, is it?
You might be better off with the friendship route - no pressure, common interests, and no hurt feelings if it doesn't go any further, all while you are doing something you like to do, anyway! And, you don't have to sweat it if she shows up again at the event
Very true Donna, it's been an emotional week indeed. It is so difficult to think that the woman you loved for 17 years, the person who knew you better than anyone else chose to reject you, you aren't good enough. That's tough to swallow. Despite that, I did reach out and try to connect with two other women in the past year or so and got my ass kicked both times! That doesn't really build up feelings of being a "catch"! Hey, in the first case I hadn 't even hit on her yet and she chopped me off at the knees. In the second case, I asked her to check out a church service with me, it's not like I suggested a road trip to hell or something! In both cases they virtually cut off all contact with me. If that's the sh!t I'm gonna have to deal with then I'll stick to hanging out with my kids hamster, at least she just nips you when you've crossed some boundary (or when she mistakes your finger for a piece of cheese). Anyway, I'm just tired and still a bit sick with that cold. Maybe I should do some political commentary, it always makes me feel better when they lock my thread for it! (OK, I know my thread got locked because there were 111 entries but this sounds so much more dramatic, don't ya think?) Thanks for the pep talk Donna, I'm down but I'm not out!
Tough week, I know, Wii! But, I can see the sense of humour already coming through. Your W must be one f'ed up person to reject someone with your personality (from what I can tell in this virtual world), and the other ladies are just practice runs ... weren't 'meant' to be, as it were. You may've rejected them, ultimately.
A lesson I learnt just recently ... ya never know whether life is going to throw you roses or thorns, so just grab 'em all up and shove 'em in a vase ... looks a lot prettier that way, and the thorns don't get to you as easily. IOW, just go with the flow, as much as possible.
Take care, and go easy on them Americans ... my D28 is married to one of their airmen.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
My advice? Date in bulk. Note I said DATE, not SLEEP WITH.
Like anything else, you get better with practice.
Coffee, at lunch is the best way to get your first date out of the way. It is shorter than lunch, it is much more informal, and she won't expect you to buy her coffee. Hell, it can be over as fast as you can drink a cup of coffee if it is really bad. Keep the conversation light, don't dwell on any one subject too long, and if she wants to drive the discussion, by all means LET HER TALK. Active listening is a key skill...women are experts at birth and can spot a "faker" a MILE away. Do not underestimate the power of this skill in your life.
Hmm, coffee dates...who'd a thunk! Thanks for the input Superstar, new voices are always great to hear from! My last venture into the coffee date world ended... well let's just say it ended and leave it at that. I now have an aversion to petite Asian women who drink small decaf's with double cream and 1.5 sugars...otherwise I'm game!
Oh crack me up Wii!! I didn't catch the part she was Asian. I've been out and about with a young, about 20 years my junior, Laotian gal (that's sort of close isn't it?)co worker office assitant for about 4 years now, very petite and makes the guys in the office drool (geeze they look stupid getting the drool all over their shirts). When I bring her around my guy friends, well .... they cannot believe it, their OMG! Batty WTH you doing with her (just before they pass out). We think it's a great bit of fun. And yes she inded is a 10+ on the 10 scale. We're just great friends, and we just let everybody think what they want. We have a great laugh afterwards (but I will not tell were we are where those conversations occur- I'm too much the gentleman ). She does hi test coffee, 3.5 sugars - black. I guess you need to watch out for the creamers!
)since his divorce, she replied "I guess that's why you're so emotionally unavailable" He was devastated and didn't want to date again. It was like the whole of womanhood had just come down on his head and this all from a 20 minute coffee date. I guess nobody warned him about the evil Coffee Buddy syndrome 
But my point being, I've had a couple of pretty negative attempts at connecting and I don't wanna do it anymore either! I know you have to pick your butt up off the floor and try again but that's for another day. Right now, I don't wanna do it! Besides, I'm way too busy providing astute political commentary on the US elections here on the BB, I just don't have the time!
).