The night before, when she was packing up, things got so tense at one point, bc she is not interpreting things in the way I mean them (that tone thing again, or she is interpreting everything throught a lens of guilt), that I threatened to call the cops and have her removed.
That felt good for a moment, but only created a very defensive, nasty response. Went upstairs for 15 min. and came back down, apoligised and we worked through the issue, and I did help her pack. (BTW, she will never forget that I threatened to call the cops, nor will she forgive me for saying it, if I know her.......unless the forgiveness fairy smites her on the head).
hi native...
I want to say this really gently.
But dude. You say W misinterprets you all the time, and calls you a bully even though you don't think you are a bully. However you just admitted that "it felt good" to threaten her with the cops, but just for the moment. (And say a little sharply that she's never going to forget that. Well. No. I doubt she will.) That speaks to me that perhaps you say hurtful things that make you feel good for a minute but create, in your own words, defensive nasty responses. How do you predict someone, anyone, to respond to that? And then immediately say she won't forget it. My H thinks he can say anything he wants to me under stress, and that I should just "forget about it" because "he didn't mean it."
I am telling you this sincerely out of a desire to help. I'm not sure you are really really in touch with your feelings and how angry you possibly are. Maybe a lot more resentment is coming out in your "tone" than you realize. Is that possible? Are you sure she is misinterpreting you? Misinterpreting the feelings behind the words? Really think about it.
