Get mad,get strong;wipe your hands..then u STAND!

[Treese]

Snodderly....I always love to read your advice....you are so inspirational...you and YR,& MWG...and everyone else....

update.....here is news I got a couple of hours ago....

My H texted me and told me he took son to Pumpkin festival w/ OW and her daughter....couldn't call and tell me it but texted me and told me son was having fun....he knew I was going to be upset...that is one think I had asked him not to do right now and the was take him around her....so yep....I blew....I called him and told him to never put my son in that position again...I wanted to call the OW so bad...but I didn't....can you imagine my sons face or what he is thinking that dad was with another girl and it wasnt mom...why did he put him in that postition...

So, while we were talking on the phone...H continued to tell me I need to let it go and move on...that we need to move forward with the divorce, blah, blah, blah,...I told him that D16 asked me to get her a counselor and he said, "WHY?"....seriously now....he said and if it turns out that "the other kid" is his he will be in his life....I said fine but my kids dont want to see him...you stole that from them a long time ago....that he made all our decisions for us...he said not to answer for my kids...I said fine....truth is, I'm not fine with any of it.....I hate both those women....I know it takes 2 but I hate them right now....

He said, "Aren't you tired of crying"...I said, "as a matter of fact I am"...but I was thrown all this at once....I said I didn't understand how he can walk around so happy knowing how bad he has hurt me. (I know bad but it came out)..He said, "he knows what it was like to be sad and depressed so he chooses to be happy"...I said, "well then you should understand how I feel"..I told him I hate waking up alone, that I chose for him to be my partner in life and I didn't choose any of this., Of course he still says...he is happy and "in love" with OW....so I can't compete with this....I guess I haven't changed at all...He even brought up that when he was dating another girl a long time ago that I hated her too....I said, "so".....what girl wouldn't...why in the world would I love who he was dating...I mean really....He continues to say that the OW was not what took him from our home...I said, "ok whatever"...that she's not a monster and the kids will need to get used to seeing her....

I see it now...I see that he's never coming home...that he really has moved on and is in love with OW...he's starting to bring her in to his family and mine...I am just having a hard time letting go....I love him...and yes I told him that....bad bad bad....but I paniced....another bad...I also told him I knew it was OW birthday on our anniversary....his answer. "so"...

Hey....I gave him 30 years...he chose her over me....he's happy I'm not...hes waking with someone...I'm waking alone....yes I realize it's all up to me...I realize I have to do it myself....but can I....I thought I was going to have a breakdown when he told me that this morning....and then when I called him he hung up on me the first time....I told him I hope some day that I can find someone who will love me for me...who wants to ML to me and be with me...

I know he really doesnt care about that...he has all that...and she is giving him everything he wants....apparently she understands him and is so laid back and fun...they do all kinds of fun things together...things we never did including the pumpkin show...

There are days when I just hate him....but I love him....I have no strength left....I just want to go crawl in a hole, and never come out.....

I seem to be getting worse at this rather than better....at this rate I know he will never want to come home....and I can't blame him....

Treese