TnGuy's Thread

[Bagheera]

TnGuy's Introductory post:

Hello everyone. I'm new to this site, still getting the hang of these darn abreviations. I've read SSM and SSW. Absolute gold. I'd like to know where you all think I should post. My problem in a nutshell is that for the first few years of my marriage (8 yrs next March), I was a typical HD man. My wife (a typical LD woman) was very accomodating and was of the mindset that it's the husband's part to take the initiative in sex and the woman should just lay there and let him do his thing. I didn't care because we had taken each other's virginity (Me:23,Her:21) and I was finally getting sex. As a note, I realize that's unusual at those ages, but I was raised to believe that sex is reserved exclusively for marriage and my wife (who is less religious than me) saw the example of her promiscuous 10yr older sister and the trouble that flowed from her behavior and so turned away from that side of herself. Then I came along, patiently wooed her, didn't expect sex, and she admits she was floored and didn't know there were men like me.

Now, to the problem. For the last couple of years, I noticed my sex drive slipping, at first imperceptibly. I started blaming my wife; there have been many heated arguments about why I want her to do so much new things, can't I just be happy with what I get, and so on. I'm not asking for fetish sex, multiple partners, or anything else unusual. Just for her to initiate sex once in a while and be more than an immobile if willing vessel in bed.

The other part of the problem is that I decided to see a urologist to see if my trouble with getting an erection or even wanting sex was because of something physical rather than beginning to find my wife more and more sexually boring. Blood pressure, pituitary hormones, and many other things checked out normal. All except testosterone. The doctor said my testosterone
level was about 2/3 of what it typically is for my age group. He said that's not low enough to worry about medical problems and that he doesn't like to prescribe hormones unless a man is 1/2 or less normal levels. Instead, he gave me a Cialis prescription. It's helped somewhat.

The main points of my problem are these:
1)I changed, my wife didn't.
2)She probably feels cheated from having a "normal" man who will take whatever sex he can get.
3)I dearly love my wife and completely trust her; she would never betray me at all because of the example of her sister and she is a very honest person who considers keeping promises a point of honor. I don't want to leave a good woman like her.
4)The only thing we argue about is sex. We completely agree on finances, changes to our house, visiting family, all those kinds of things. I feel that if we could just get the sex thing right, our marriage would be perfect. I know, no such thing.

Please help me, people. I need to know where to go with this. Where should I post? God help me, I love her. Please help me not to leave her.

Married:nearly 8 yrs
no children (neither of us wanted them)
live near my side of the family
wife has somewhat frequent contact with her sister now that her sister has changed her behavior due to health problems and even gotten married (real change is possible, sometimes after much pain)


"I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew, Chapter 19, Verse 9, NIV)

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-- B.