So sorry to hear about the videos. I know that must have been hard. Just do your best to let it go. It is necessary for you.
The suicide thing really bothers me. Your biz is going to suffer right now cuz you are living in He**. People are right that it is the enemy putting those thoughts in your head. Try if possible to find some faith. Turn to God or whatever you want to call it. I have found that spending time praying, talking to the universe, helps me to just get it all out. I have managed to let go of anger that I have held onto like a liferaft for most of my life just in the last few months. Honey, I too know the anorexia/bulimia route. That is so dangerous. Working that one out for myself again. Just try to eat. Try to sleep. A friend who is having her own depression problems suggested something to me last night. She said she makes it very dark in her bathroom, just two candles, puts on "mood music" and soaks in a bathtub with Jasmine, trying to just relax, and she says it is helping her. She has fought depression for a long time and she too recently got on AD. I was recently told by a spiritual healer to bathe in sea salts. She says they pull out the guilt and negativity. Also to burn incense or smuge the house with sage to remove negativity. I don't know where your head is with these things but I learned over the years that the peacefullness of God, nature, and the universe can be very soothing. Did you know people actually go soak in the Dead Sea to remove impurities from their bodies? I had forgotten that until just now but I have known about it for years. Maybe the sea salt bath isn't such a bad idea.
I was crying yesterday, and my S said I thought those pills were supposed to stop that, they aren't working. You and I both know that it doesn't quite work that way. They help with the normal stuff, but occasionally the situation is too much and you have to let it out.
Just keep plugging along. Call a hotline if you need to. H, work, none of it is worth suicide. You are a wonderful person and have been an inspiration to me.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
