Get mad,get strong;wipe your hands..then u STAND!

[Treese]

MOM...YR....

I had tried a few counselors and so far I haven't connected with one....I am still trying to find one...and it has to be one in my H's insurance...that's what stinks....if I was rich I wouldn't have the problem but I'm not so...I continue to search..

As my anniversary grows closer and closer I find myself getting more and more anxious...Monday is going to be hard no matter how I look at it....I can do as much as I want but it's still there...and it's OW's birthday...I think that hurts more..they will be celebrating and having fun without a thought of my anniversary....do they really not think of us on that day...how can they not after 24 years?

H has been distant since my son's baseball is over....he does not come around all week and then I have to ASK him to take my son on the Friday's I work the football games....he NEVER has offered to take him...

My mom and H's mom are best friends and H's mom says I should go out with other men...WHAT? H told his mom OW's birthday is the same day as our anniversary...that hurt also...H talking about OW to his mom....I have been in that family for 30 years...she says I should still call her but I just can't right now... all she tells is if h is in love with someone else I need to move on with my life....I really don't want to hear that all the time..sometimes I feel like telling her to put herself in my shoes and what would she do if my FIL left her after 40 years...I realize what I have to do...When my D16 had her tonsils out she never called to see how she was doing...sad...

D16 was inducted to NHS last week...it was very nice...I took her for a follow up dr appt for her throat yesterday and she looked at me and said she needed a counselor...I started to tear up and said, "ok"..I will find you one....the fact that she and I are two of the same people is hard...we both are trying so hard to take care of each other and I keep telling her it's going to be okay and to be a kid....she says she doesn't care if her dad is happy cause one day he will fall and we won't be there...she knows if he were to give in to what he really feels he would crash...such a smart girl....then I changed the subject and made her laugh...One day at a time I told her....one day at a time...

D21 will be 22 on Halloween....can't believe it...the age I gave birth to her....my kids are growing up and H is missing so much...his loss I guess....

So, there it is for now....as I told dryheat...It seems to be getting tougher not easier....why is that? Is it because my anniversary is coming up? Is it because the holidays are approaching? the knot in my stomach is getting tighter and bigger....I just pray to get through the day...

Thanks for letting me vent again....

Thanks again everyone for all the words of advice and all the prayers....I feel you all praying....

(((hugs)))