There are several things that strike me about your sitch (and you remind me of myself!)... first, I wanted to say it before, but its not like a judgement and I'm not H-bashing or saying give up, no, but....bsaically, you are in a very abusive situation with this man. Can you see that? Lets take the Db stuff out for a minute.. he is being mean and cruel to you, he shows no regard for your mental health, he shows you no care, no love, he isnt even civil. He ignores you, you move through the house like ghosts.. he does all this whilst selfishly letting you take care of him, cook, clean, do his friggin laundry !
So its no wonder yuo feel so down on yourself, he is trapping you in a very miserable, painful and abusive situation. You are trapped in it, because you still love him and pray that he will give up ow and see the light.
About yourslef, I can see you are hard on yourself, self critical if you will. I am always SOOO impressed when I read your posts that not only are you a working artist, but you have your own business and have done for years. Thats amazing. And it IS hard to be creative on tap and meeting deadlines is a killer with that line of work... so why be so hard on yourslef? You are amazing! You make a living from your art, you have to push yourself constantly, find clients, meet their needs. Considering the hell you are living in with your H right now, I am not surprised you find it hard to concentrate and do a good job.
I think you just need to accept that..(I had to as I have struggled with working/college this year and I find it hard to produce stuff for art college).. your life is not smooth and stress free, you arent feeling happy and settled, its no wonder other areas of your life are suffering. Give yourself a break, accept you may need to do less, take less clients or earn less for the next 6 months-year. When things are 'better' or you feel stronger, you can be a high achiever again!?
Now, your H.. this R he is in.. its flippin wierd !!!?? I always thought that.. hours on the phone? textting, calling, 3 chargers? What, is he 14? What it sounds like to me, reminds me of the stuff I have been posting about Scorpio/Mars and Pluto.. it sounds OBSESSIONAL. It doesnt sound healthy, it sounds destructive. It probably explains why he is with someone who is not conventionally attractive, or more attractive than you... its not the external stuff thats attracting him, its how its making him feel on a deep, probably unconcious level. Dont read that as, oh great, its love.. I dont mean that. She has come into his life to teach him something about himself IMO, but he's going to take a long time to figure it out.
As for what he said to you... considering the way you are and the things you say, I woulkdnt be surprised if it seems to him that you are in a world of your own, or in a bubble.. or not engaging with him at all (meanwhile he is caught in an obsessional compulsive grip with ow). I agree that he sounded frustrated, like you never talk to him. You said you go to bed when he gets up.
I know you are DBing, so wanted to avoid an R talk, but seeing as he started it, I would have taken the bait. Also, do you think you are shut down to him and avoiding him out of feelings of rage, rather than pure DBing? He may be misinterpreting your moods. I'm not making much sense here, but I'm trying. For example, when he said "why do you have to make this so difficult" you just opened your eyes wide and stared at him.. if that were me, I would take that as defensive and a signal to me to shut up, give up. Perhaps it would have paid more, in a DB sense to SHOW him that you are listening.. so, maybe you could have said, "I'm sorry you feel that, it wasnt my intention to make this difficult, if you want to talk, then thats fine by me and I am happy to do that " - or something ???
Lastly, you are amazing. You are talented, you are compassionate, you are thoughtful, you are many things that many people would do better to try a little harder to be! I dont have any advice about CBT therapists, I'm not sure where you live, but just google it !? We are all here for you,
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
