H deep in A & MLC, need support 4 roller coaster!

[Dawn of Hope]

MWG,
So much for the "most affairs will be over in six months" theory, huh?

I think you are right about MLCers being paralyzed. I think my H is terrified of making the "wrong" decision and that's why he hasn't made any big moves in any direction that would change his status quo. He doesn't want to lose/hurt her. On the other hand, although I don't think he cares much about losing/hurting me, I don't think he wants to deal with losing the trappings and benefits of staying in the marriage (owning the house, getting his laundry and cooking and shopping done by me, and so on), and I don't think he's at all ready to deal with the whole business of moving out and/or legal proceedings, with the attendant financial, social, and logistical problems. So...he stays on the fence so firmly it's as though he's been glued there.

The one sign I have that the excitement of the A might be wearing off just a little is that H is back in theatre again, for the first time in two years, and I think it cuts into his OW time--he hasn't seen her in about a month, I think, because he has rehearsals Friday, Saturday, and Sunday every weekend and can't travel then. He was very heavily involved in theatre for 8 years before that, and he loves it. Of course, he is still on the phone with her constantly, as far as I can tell without snooping, but I imagine phone sex isn't all it's cracked up to be, and he's probably feeling the lack rather keenly, and I'll bet she is too. We'll have to see if he gets into another show soon after this, or if one or the other of them puts a stop to it because it cuts into their togetherness. (ugh!)

It has been getting easier overall in the last 9 months or so, but sometimes I feel like I've stepped on the chute that whisks me directly to the bottom of the hill.

I have been trying to minimize my negative comments (to/about anyone or anything) in the last few weeks, and concentrate on speaking more positively, but it has not been going as well as I would like.

I just told someone yesterday that I just realized that one of my problems is that I expect myself to be perfect anytime I do anything, generally even the first time (probably because I was raised with unreasonably high expectations), and so I spend a great deal of time feeling like I fall short. (I impose a certain amount of that attitude on other people, which unquestionably causes problems in my relationships.) Her response was, "Who decides what 'perfect' is?" I said, "Me." Hence the problem.

I have also come to realize that I have a tendency to subtly put down other people in order to make myself look better or smarter or some such. Even though I know it is a bad thing, I still do it sometimes, although I have gotten much better about it.

Thanks for listening and caring.
Dawn

P.S. I hope I haven't offended anyone with my comments about OW's weight. I don't normally make issues of people's weight, because it's not a big deal to me, usually--people's weight is their own business, and friends come in all sizes--but this is my H's mistress we're talking about, so hopefully my bias is understood here. I'm petite in both directions, and happy to be so, but I have to work hard at staying that way, so I have an appreciation of how difficult it is to remove excess poundage.