Sandi, thanks for responding! I read a lot of your posts to others and was hoping you would see my thread!
Re her new look, she has changed a lot and earlier this year, she has been telling me about a guy asking her out, an older guy commenting on her, or being "checked out" by someone. That did bother me and that was when I was acting a litte jealous. She did tell me on multiple occasions that she has no interest in anybody else and the guys asking her out and checking her out are all old guys that she thinks are disgusting. She also keeps saying that she still does not feel very attractive. Her own words were that her low self-esteem would keep her from trying anything for sure. At least for the events she has told me about (all happened more than 4-5 months ago and she has told me about them right after) I know this to be true, they are old and I could not see her being interested in them at all. I realize now that I sound very naive, but we have always been very honest with each other and I trust her when she told me that she is not romantically interested in anybody right now. Besides, she TOTALLY kills herself with work for the past year and a half, so she doesn't even have time. I think her honesty is also why she has shared her ILYBNILWY early, before she saw D as the only solution. She has mentioned a D once, and that was last Dec. Since then, she has maintained that being on her own for a while and just go on dates with me might help her find her feelings back.
Does the above sound like a WAW or MLC? I am not sure. Any ideas?
Re her moving back in, I think I did not explain what she said very well. She first told me she has hit "rock-bottom" financially, then later on she said she keeps going through scenarios in her head about what would happen if she moved back in. Her literal words were: "I mean, you wouldn't want me to move back in as a roommate, now would you? You want me to move back in as a wife." I don't think she was asking me if she could move back in, even if it is as a roommate, I think she was asking me how I would want her to be when she moves back in.
Re exercising, I was in real good shape in college, then after I got married, it all went away and I became overweight, my W always told me that I wear it well as opposed to her. After the boys were born, I decided I had to get in better shape so I could be healthy and do stuff with the kids. So that was 2004. I have been amping up my exercising a LOT since the bomb and have lost a lot of weight (not as much as her tho), but I do think I look good. My W has told me on multiple occasions that her friends and family say I look good (even HOT from her sister). A couple of times -mainly before she moved out ($$ situation)- she has picked out some clothes for me that she thought would look good on me. I know the exercising is an excellent stress reliever and it works for me!
Re the rescuing her, I have not done that, nor have I any intention to do so. I did tell her that I thought that she should focus her attention differently within her business so that she could make more money. Would that be bad? She did ask me for my advice. The next day she called me up and said that she had followed my advice and refocused. When she picks up the kids here she wants to show me her work to see what I think. I took all of those things as positive, because she hadn't done that in months. Especially asking me for my advice concerning her business, since she said I was always so negative about it.
On a final note, reading your post I do see that I could be a lot more detached. But that's why I came here, so I could get some perspective! I though I was doing OK, not great, but not bad either. I had in my mind that if I could be her best friend, to be there for her when she comes for help, not contacting her myself, but be there if she needs me, that that was the best approach. Now, I know that I can still do a lot better. I just need to be less available for her. I did take a vacation with the boys for 2 weeks without her, that did seem to make the phone calls and texts start coming in.
This week has been a disaster however, it still feels like I went back several months... Every time a setback happens, it seems like that will be the final straw that brings on the D.
Thanks a lot to all responders for your encouragement!!
