Hi Sam, I'm Sandi.....an almost WAW. I had been where your wife was for a very long time without OM involved at all, so it doesn't have to mean there is another person. However, with her new look......it will be very tempting to her b/c you can bet she is getting the attention from other men. She will like that a lot since she had low self-esteem!
I don't know that I agree to let her come home as room mates b/c she is having a hard time with bills. Sounds to me that she is just using you and she will not respect you. It is most important for a woman to admire the man she is in love with. Therefore, that needs to be your goal. She cannot feel attracted to a man that she does not admire and respect.....it is impossible. She may feel sorry for a man or she may feel friendship.....but she will not have sexual attraction without the respect and admiration. Not, that a woman cannot respect or admire a man without having sexual feelings....I don't mean that....but where married love and sex is concerned...she must have those two ingrediants.
So, start with setting a goal of self improvements. I'm sure there is something you can find to improve about yourself. Maybe you need to just change your looks up a bit (but don't go crazy). Buy some different clothes that look really sharp on you or get a new hair cut.....get some advice from some professionals....but never ask your W. Don't say anything to her about your changes.....just do them.
She needs to miss you in her life. So, don't run to her to rescue her from her problems. That is what you will be doing if you allow her to move back into the house b/c she needs you to share her expenses. She needs to see you being unavailable to her. A human being wants what they think they can't have. Right? So, don't be so easy for her!
You need to act "cool", as the kids say, and not needy. I see a lot of "needy" in your post (which is okay here, but not in front of her). You broke down in front of her once, but try very hard not to let that happen again. If you feel it coming on, get away fast. You don't want her pity, you want her admiration. I would being the one to make the contacts. If she wants to contact you, then fine, but be sure you are the one that breaks the conversation first. It is all in the book by Michelle. I have posted a long list of do's and don'ts time after time, so you probably have already seen that. If you will go by that list, it will make a huge difference!
Exercise is one of the best things you can do for frustration and worry right now. Plus, you get other benifits! Stay on a good diet, sleep enough, and get out and get a life by staying busy at something regardless of how small it may seem.
If you have been around the board for about 4 months, then you have read the advice given to others. It should not be new to you. You just need to apply it to your stitch now.
Good luck and take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
