glad last nite went good! forgiveness, eh, yep that is hard, no judgement from me on that one. sooooooooooooooooooo can i paint mine the color above or not? I HAVE to start packing lol!! HUGE hugs my dear friend!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
ohhhhhhhhhhhh do I want tex orange or pitts steelers lol!! sheesh decisions desicions lol!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
I don't think I have responded on any of your threads before, but I am caught up on your sitch.
I know you are detaching and this Q may not be of any value to you at this point...and also, you may have answered this Q elsewhere but I didn't see if it you did...here are the Q's:
Regarding the incest with her father, what do you know about the rest of the story? Did her mother know about it? Did she ever file any charges against her F? Does she still have contact with her F? Do her siblings know about the incest and were any of them victimized? Did she ever have intensive counseling regarding the incest?
The reason I am asking is because (as you hopefully already know) children of incest have a very hard time finding and keeping a normal adult life. The effects of the incest are very difficult to assimilate into normalcy. I get the impression from your posts that you understand this pretty clearly...but I am just wondering these above questions, because the answer to these questions can and do affect your W still to this day.
Also - if there is still any contact with the father, I would hope that your children are never in contact with him?
I am so sorry to point out what is a very painful subject for you and your family...but based on your answers I wanted to suggest a couple of things...nothing that can save your marriage but hopefully things that can help all of you move forward.
You can ignore my post entirely if you are just too "done" to even discuss it, I would totally understand this.
My FIL took the easy road out, and committed suicide a month before our wedding. C said he couldn't deal with facing all of the people he had abused. He never knew our kids so that hasn't been an issue.
W went through IC for incest about sixteen years ago and did a lot of letter writing. I never pressed her for specifics on what happened. My W never filed charges or anything like that. Her siblings were either sexually or physically abused by this monster, girls got molested, boys got beat up. Real nice guy! My MIL claims she never knew about any of it, and she is a total head case. My friends that know her all say, your W is headed down the same path, why do you want to be around for that? MIL was an only child and I suspect was either physically or sexually abused somewhere in the past. She was narcissistic, childish and selfish, qualities she handed down to my W! Nothing is ever good enough for my W, kids are constantly needing to step up, house sucks,car sucks, job sucks, life sucks! She presents herself as a happy, happy, joy, joy cheerleader type, but mentally, she is just a mess. After being away from her for awhile I am coming out from under the cloud she kept me under. She is always moving on, to the next "new" thing. She is like a child window gazing at store after store full of toys.
If nothing else, your questions re-affirm my feelings of being OK to D her. Now she is coming to meet me with the kids in an hour or two, and of course my emotions will fall the other way after being with them and I will have to talk myself out of wanting to reconcile! W really is a charmer and very fun to be around, but she has made my life a real hell. I feel like I've left my youth in the dust because I tried to build a future with her. Regretting that now of course, but I'm still young enough to start over and feel like I can get somewhere better!
Thanks for making me think!
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
W went through IC for incest about sixteen years ago and did a lot of letter writing. I never pressed her for specifics on what happened. My W never filed charges or anything like that. Her siblings were either sexually or physically abused by this monster, girls got molested, boys got beat up. Real nice guy! My MIL claims she never knew about any of it, and she is a total head case. My friends that know her all say, your W is headed down the same path, why do you want to be around for that? MIL was an only child and I suspect was either physically or sexually abused somewhere in the past. She was narcissistic, childish and selfish, qualities she handed down to my W! Nothing is ever good enough for my W, kids are constantly needing to step up, house sucks,car sucks, job sucks, life sucks! She presents herself as a happy, happy, joy, joy cheerleader type, but mentally, she is just a mess. After being away from her for awhile I am coming out from under the cloud she kept me under. She is always moving on, to the next "new" thing. She is like a child window gazing at store after store full of toys.
LE - Replace incest with teenage rape and you have my W. I feel ya bro. In hindsite, M prob never had a chance. This is my feeling anyway. Sorry if that's not a positive statement but I'm sure you feel/felt the sam way.
My W said somewhere along the way that she was raped in college. It came out of nowhere when she told me, so add that log to the fire. I just tell myself to not be angry at her, but feel sorry for her, and it sort of helps. I guess I am more angry at myself for letting my kids down, and me for letting it get this bad. I really thought I was supposed to "save" her, but I haven't yet.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
W really is a charmer and very fun to be around, but she has made my life a real hell. I feel like I've left my youth in the dust because I tried to build a future with her. Regretting that now of course, but I'm still young enough to start over and feel like I can get somewhere better!