I just need to vent

[Livin4ME]

Hi guys...I just need to vent here. My story is long...I'm sure some of you have read my posts. So I won't go into it here. I've decided enough is enough and I will be WAW very soon. There are just some issues preventing me from doing that currently. H is stil living at home. No one really knows what is going on but us. We're fine when we're around people, but at home it's like a huge purple elephant sitting with us. I'm playing the role of being the loving W because I still need him here right now. I know, sounds crappy, but it's what I have to to do to prepare myself for my future as a single mother of 2.
Anyways...the reason for my vent....H has to work late last night...that's fine. Afterwards he tells me he's gonna grab a few beers. Ok. I watch some tv, then go to bed. Around 3am, I get a great phone call from the OW. She's informing me that she wants to leave her apartment and my H wont let her. She just wants to leave, blahblahblah and my H has her keys and won't let her. She wants me to text him, call him, do something to get him to give her the keys and let her go. I ask if she is done. She says yes, she's been done for a long time. She's done. I interupt her, No, I tell her, are you done with what you're saying right now? I don't even remember her response because I was still half asleep. And I hung up the phone. H finally texts me at 5am telling me, everything is fine, he's on his way home, he's so sorry. I told him ok. He says I deserve so much better than him. I told him we could talk later, just be careful. He says, what's there to talk about, he's an A**hole. I just told him to be careful driving.
Rewind to last week, she is informing me that she can't help it, she fell in love with him before she found out about me. Obviously, he lied about me when they met and then she found out about me about 2 months later.
So this is my vent. I'm still sticking with my plan. I just have to get this out cuz it's driving me nuts and I don't wanna talk to anyone else about it.
Thanks for reading...any encouring words, if there are any, are appreciated.

[Livin4ME]

Also, I have not informed H of my plans. Altho, over the last few days we have talked about his plans of possibly leaving again.

[Babygirl]

hugs, I am so sorry! I pray for the day when the ow would be done. I am dealing with the now of knowing, and wondering if I can forgive. my H still lives here too. vent away, its better here with understanding than to them.

no excuse for H or for her, she chose to stay after she knew about you. I have no pity for my ow or yours they chose this life, WE didnt. I totally hear you loud and clear!!

[Livin4ME]

Thanks Babygirl....as far as I'm concerned she can have his sorry butt...just leave me outta it!!! There's no reason what's so ever to call me at 3 in the morning!!! And to top it all off, continue texting each other all freakin day today!! I just need him here now to help me with the kids til I finish school in a few weeks. Then he can leave!!!
Your a great place here Babygirl....I received so much encouragement from the people here thru my whole ordeal. And it's not just stuff about relationships...it's stuff I can apply to other areas of my life.
However, my H is a narcisist...she's kicked him out numerous times, he's left me numerous times, I've kicked him out numerous times...all of this over the course of a year. She supposedly was PG and miscarried the week after our D was dismissed. Her X ran over his brand new motorcycle the night they met...all kinds of drama. He also has a issues with the internet since before I met him, just found out about it too late. I've reached my breaking point and I will be moving on and will lead a much happier life without him.
I don't have an iota of pity of the OW. She's a big girl, she can make her own decisions. It's not that hard to change a phone number, block a number or even ignore a call.
We went and saw a movie tonight. Had a good time. It was an awesome movie. Highly recommend Eagle Eye!!!
Good luck with your sitch, when I have a little more time, I'll have to go back and read your posts.

[Sugar and Spice]

Hey C13. Glad to see you here, been wondering about you. Sorry to see you are here because he is still being a horses a$$. I'm so sorry. Just keep your chin up and do what is best for you. Yours at least had the decency to "pretend" to miscarry. Mine is going to see it through to the bitter end. ((((hugs))))

[Babygirl]

you are right, this place has literally saved my life. I think that no matter my love for him, my reality is setting in also. Just know I am almost always here, if ya need me let me know!
hugs

[Livin4ME]

Hey guys, thought I'd drop in and say hi. Things are good. I'm alittle over half way done with my school!!! yay!!! I'm so excited!!! I've had a change in my thoughts later regarding H. I'm not going to file after school. Not because things are changing between us. Some might judge me for this, but I need to get what I can from him before its over. We moved to where we are now about a year before he left, I'm not originally from here and I have no family here. When the house sells, I will no where to go. And as long as I live in the house, he won't have to pay me child support cuz he's paying all the bills. So he will be leaving next year to go back where we came from and I need to get back there. The military pays to move him out there along with is dependants. As long as we're legally married, they will move me as well.
He brought up going back just yesterday cuz I keep saying, "When we get back..." and he asked if I was going regardless. I told him yes, but didn't tell him how. I asked if SHE was going to go as well. He said only if he files. I asked why and he said cuz she doesn't want to be with a married man. I laughed. He didn't understand why. lol
I told him I didn't want to talk about it anymore. He asked why, I told him I didn't want to waste anymore of my time on her. He said the only reason I didn't like her was cuz of him. Cuz of stuff he has said about her and such. I told him no, I didn't like her because of what she has done to me. He asked what I meant, I told him she has attacked me on several reasons. I.E, her phone call at 3 am the other night. It was uncalled for. No reason for it. She was screaming and yelling at me for no reason what's so ever. And it's not the first time she's done that.
I asked him when he was gonna get his clothes back from her. Meaning the clothes she bought for him and refuses to give back. I told him there shouldn't be an issue now. He said she won't give them back because she bought them for him and she doesn't want him looking good wearing a few hundred dollars worth of clothes for me. I told him that was immature. Just like the baby thing, she wouldn't let him see the baby, have any part of it, he would never know if she kept it or not. That's very immature. His response was something like, "Well, some people just see things differently. She didn't mean that. She was hurt." Whatever. She 'miscarried' for a reason is how I feel about it. But I won't tell him that.
So we're still together. I'm playing the role of the loving, doting wife. We cuddle, say we love each other and everything. With her on the side. I don't give him ultimatums, I don't talk about her. I just need him here alittle bit longer.
I'm sure he will be moving out after my schooling is done and will more than likely file because of her. And I'm fine with that. The drama will be over. And I'll be able to start my countdown to get to where I need to be to move on with my life.

[Sugar and Spice]

(((C13))) I'm not sure what to say. I'm just so sorry it didn't work out. Its probably better not to waste anymore time on her, because your H is clearly still in a fog. He won't figure it out until its too late. Maybe I'm not a good person, but I say do what you have to in order to get yourself where you need to be.
Not very helpful I know, but I understand where you are coming from. Take care of yourself, be good to yourself...

[Phoenixdeux]

It's hard to respond to that...I'm sure plenty of WAWs think like that...it just sounds weird reading it so calculated. I hate reading stuff like that because then I start thinking, "what if my wife is just like that...getting what she can, putting in her time, and planning how she'll get whatever from me". It's dishonest, and how does that make it better than what he did to you by having an affair...he was just getting something he needed also.

[Livin4ME]

((((Corey)))) Thank you. Its so hard.
Phoenix, I'm not saying what I'm doing is right by any means. I appreciate your comments. As far as your sitch goes, if you put forth the effort to make it right with your W, I can guarantee, she will not feel this way.
As far as my sitch goes...my H has spent our whole marriage having affair after affair. Started online before I even met him. Each time I found out, he would promise to stop, but never did. I almost WAW before I got pg with our son. I got pg and we decided to work on it. We moved across the country to 'start fresh'. A year and a pregnancy filled with antepartum depression and numerous affairs later, he WAW. Over the last year since he first left, he has come back about 8 or 9 times. WAW from the OW and coming home to me, only to stay no more than 2 weeks at each time and then going back to her. A week before our D was to be final, he came home after informing me that the OW was pg. We dismissed the D. A few weeks ago, I discovered that he was still carrying on the affair with the OW, even after supposedly miscarrying. She calls me, harrassing me when they have problems.
Where we live now, I have no family or friends. Just his. I haven't worked since the birth of our D at his urging. He gives me just enough money for groceries for a week or 2 weeks at a time. That's it. Spending the rest on the OW, drinking or gambling. We tried C, he stopped going. Over the holidays I was informed of a set of twins that were 5 months younger than our D that he had to take a paternity test on. I've become very close to his family thru all of this and I've discovered that when I was going thru the antepartum depression, he was telling his family that I hated them. I didn't want anything to do with them. Now, he barely talks to them or has anything to do with them by his choice. During the separation, he would take my children to her house to spend the night, telling me they were staying else where. He refused to even tell me where my children were sleeping. My S was afraid to tell me of the things they did when they were with him and I don't know why. Easter Sunday we got into the biggest fight ever, he got into my face and I begged him to hit me because that would've hurt LESS than the words he was saying to me. And it all started because the OW called one of my good friends starting trouble because I wouldn't let him take my children to spend Easter Sunday with her instead of the plans I had to spend it with his family.
After everything, I love my H very much. He is the father of my children. Up until a few weeks ago, I wanted nothing more then to always be married to my H. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
And then it hit me. He is a narcisist. He will never change. He only does things that better himself in his eyes regardless of who gets hurt. His actions have shown that many many times. He will be filing for D again in less than a year because the OW has refused to move with him when he recieves his orders unless he files.
So for the last 7.5 years that we have been married, I have always been 2nd best to him. Everything else has always taken precidence over me. And that will never change. Even before the children came, before the money issues, before all of our problems, that I always gave a 110% to help resolve, I was not what he wanted.
So now all I'm doing is getting back to where my support group is. Getting to a place where I know I will be able to start a real life for me and my children. I will be able to support them. Instead of being in a state that is known for having one of the worst economies, without family or friends, without a home, and my children being 1000 miles away from their father, we will be 2 hours away.
After suffering for my whole entire marriage, giving everything I have to it, taking him back over 9 times, including knowing a baby was on the way, dismissing a D under false pretenses, I deserve to have him take me back to where I want to be.
And in the meantime, all I'm doing is loving him. I'm not kicking him out. I'm not giving him ultimatums. I'm not fighting with him regardless of how many times he tries to instigate it. Because right now, I need him here helping me with our children while I finish my school. Something I need to do in order to provide for my children because he won't.
Just use me as an example. If you are serious about being with your W and working on your M. Do it. Don't play the mind games. Don't come and go. Show your W you love her. Show her she is not 2nd best. Show her that your M is a priority.