I'm reading & trying to keep up on your sitch. I can't talk now, "things" are too close to the surface. I'm barely making it through my days, & I can't remember last night after MC yesterday.
I want to be a better friend. I want to offer more.
Please know you are in my thoughts always !!
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Gypsy, first I have to say that your words are like honey to my eyes. You have such a wonderful way of viewing the world. I wish that I could be a part of your marvelous mind. I, on the other hand, am direct and to the point. I cut to the bone and leave everything to be exposed.
Gypsy, beautiful Gypsy, you are moving past your H definition of who you are and moving to the soaring angle that we all see. I see strength seeping from every poar of your essence. The faster you let him go, the higher you will soar. I wish I knew how to contact you...there is so much I want to say to you. Just know you are in my thoughts and are growing into such a strong spirit.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
It's been a very busy and gratifying week with my parents and brothers around. My dad and I even had an unexpected healing talk where he admitted to the effects of his actions on my sister and I as children. Instead of just nodding and moving on (that his admission was enough) I spoke to him.
"You know Dad, I've spent most of my life filled with a certain level of anger and bitterness based on what you did to me as a child and how it's influenced about every aspect of my life.
When spouse left I felt that same anger, injustice rising up. I realized I didn't want to live my life with that underlying resentment and bitterness, that I had a choice in how I would deal with my life, my future.
In many ways letting go of this crap (current marital relationship) allows me to let go of what I've carried for years. I don't want a painful, hurtful event to negatively define me in my future. This level of emotional pain rips away the guilt and grudges from the past. That's my silver lining.
What you did was so wrong. The only good thing it gives me is perspective. I choose what to emphasize, to hold dear, to spend my energy on.
I know what's important.. my children, me, my family."
I did.. and I didn't even get mad in the process. Heck.. it's only taken me decades to detach from my father.. I really hope to be a whole lot faster with spouse!
I've been doing drawing as therapy. My current work I call "Turds in a Toilet".
Imagine if you will an overview of a toilet bowl (with the seat down!) Inside is yellow pee water and bobbing blobs of turds, each labelled.. Family, Love, Trust, Commitment, Sharing. Beside the toilet are a pair of hairy legs with some pee dripping and rolling down one leg.
What does it say to me?
This guy is treating all that is important (to me) like sh*t and willing to flush it all away. And he's making his own mess. That's how he's processed it.
Um, wow Gyps, that is quite an image. I dont know if I really want to picture that in my head :). You are right though, they do flush us away and screw up their own lives as well. Yet, they are so wrapped up in all the distraction they have created for themselves they dont see the garbage around them yet. In time, they will.
I am so impressed that you were able to have that conversation with your Dad. I think that we hold our parents to a higher standard than our spouces, so when a parent betrays us it is much harder to let go. After all, half of who we are is from that parent. If that parent can act so ugly towards us, does that mean we are ugly too? When we enter a R, in the back of our minds we know that there is a small possibility that our S may betray us, we just believe it will happen. So I think detaching from a WAS is significantly easier than from a parent. Both are hard and it sucks that we have to learn these lessons, but it also makes us stronger people in the end. Just my opinion.
Hope you are doing well and keep singing LOUD!
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Gyp-- Just caught up on your thread - singing and drawing!!! AWESOME!! And to that your literary skills and you are a literary trifecta!
I SO hope you can come with me tomorrow, I don't want to miss our date! I'll even pick you up and get you to the train and back, promise! Call me, please
And bring the drawings - bet we could get top dollar for them on the streets of NY!
