Question for Puppy... and of course anyone else that would like to comment - the more the merrier!
you made a comment in TnGuy's thread about your W asking why you were still fighting for her. Were you doing something in particular? I want to make sure I am doing what I can for me and the K's, but is my not leaving and being there showing my W in some small way that I am fighting for her?
Just curious...
No, I was being total "Joe Friday" at this point. But I hadn't (yet) filed for divorce, I told her once or twice that I still loved her, and I did some small kindnesses and acts of service for her (like covering her up with a blanket when she fell asleep on the couch, or pulling her car in the garage for her -- that sort of thing. No more than a couple a week).
I spoke highly of her (while still expressing my disappointment) to her parents and her siblings, and to our children.
I pulled my weight around the house -- plus a little extra.
But mostly, I think it was the aggressive confrontation and exposure ... that I would be willing to go to those lengths to try to fight for her. She KNEW I'm a classic conflict-avoider and pleaser -- a real "Nice Guy." So for me to intentionally make myself THAT uncomfortable, and risk her wrath ... well she knew that was something big for me.
Let W sleep in bedroom again due to her being sick. She can stay if she wants but she will have company tonight.
W asked me yesterday if my L contacted me because apparently her L called him with some proposal. Not yet.
Then she said that some of the proposal had to do with the k's (D16 and S13) and seeing a counsellor - they have already seen HER COUNSELLOR and with her???? . I said that the k's seeing a counsellor was a must BUT it should not have been her C nor should it be mine - should be someone just for them. She got pi$$y (no surprise) and asked if I was going to get hung up on some technicality (??), the K's felt comfortable with her C (gee, the only one they have seen so far and they are comfortable with her - wonder why) and I will be surprised what the k's have to say because they do not feel they can talk to me.
When I said too bad they went to your C but it is done, she huffed and said I could take them to whomever I wanted. Then also said she didn't need my permission on what to do with the K's.
Didn't engage too much but needed to get the C thing out there (S13 told me they went to the C).
Anyway, will see what this proposal has today... I will stand firm!
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
Personally, I think the kids should either see their own counselor, or the four of you should go to family counseling as a group. I don't think it's appropriate for the ONLY counseling they're getting is from your wife's C, as waywards almost always lie to Cs, so the C wouldn't have an accurate framework from which to work with your children.
(((Lost))) I agree. The K's need their own. Although I am not one to talk because my two go to the same person I am seeing. In my defense though, the woman I see is also a registered play therapist and came highly recommended as a K's counselor.
How are you today?
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I am frustrated and angry today. Not doing so well with PMA. Worried about how the k's may have been slanted. Not worried about her response to my L letter.
May need to get a little more aggressive re L response. Don't know. Just kind of bummed out. Looking forward to her leaving next week for her holiday.
How are you feeling?
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
I think your kids may surprise you. I am sure they feel that you are their "rock" right now as they are yours. Just try to keep encouraging conversation when they are ready. My ex has the problem that he says they never seem to have anything to say, but he always puts them on the spot. Doesn't quite understand how to "work" a conversation so that the kids feel like talking about stuff.
Hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Just reassure them that you aren't going anywhere. She is the one that wants out...let her go and don't let the door hit ya on the way out!! attitude will serve you well.
Man I have been hanging around Corey alot!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
. I said that the k's seeing a counsellor was a must BUT it should not have been her C nor should it be mine - should be someone just for them. She got pi$$y (no surprise) and asked if I was going to get hung up on some technicality (??), the K's felt comfortable with her C (gee, the only one they have seen so far and they are comfortable with her - wonder why) and I will be surprised what the k's have to say because they do not feel they can talk to me. 