H went to wedding of friend from from college last night. Was falling asleep on drive home and decided to stay here overnight. I was very glad, as he usually has a hard time staying awake even when he isn't driving at night! He got up at 4 am to go to work, but flipped over and gave me a really nice hug and kiss before he left.
He visited his family today, and on the way back told me how he almost got into a fight with his brother (they are frat. twins who usually spar...). He initially wouldn't tell me over what, just said 'stupid stuff'. Then admitted that his brother was making stupid comments about me and us. Sounds like he stood up for me/us? He dropped by to visit afterwards and was wearing his ring.
He stayed for dinner and a video, kind of our date night for my birthday. It was nice. Layed back and nothing stressful. Was comfortable, but sad to see him go (hid it).. He called on the way home to say thanks for a great evening.
Sooo... I guess lots of little nice things.
Goals achieved- no R talks from my side. Nothing hurtful from his. We are talking lots more, he calls to tell me about his football team- something that is really important to him. Starting to share smaller details about life.
It is still a long road, but I am greatful for being where I am now. He may not be coming home yet, but he seems to have stopped running away so fast.
Now if I can make it through my b-day tomorrow in one piece! Glad I am working!
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
Off from work now for a few days, so I finally get the chance to catch up on posts and how everyones doing.
My life has been put into perspective by talking to the daughter of my friend who recently was left by her H. She is pregnant with their 7th! I was glad she called, even though I don't know her well (yet). It made me feel good that I could help her. She is just one week from the bomb, and in that horrible paralysis/shock phase. Her first question was 'how do you survive this?'. I guess you just do. We are all survivors here. And look at how far we've come.
My other milestone was my birthday. I worked all day, so it really wasn't exciting. No one really knew it was my b-day at work, and it was a rather stressful day. I got Olive Garden take out food to treat myself- I just couldn't fathom the thought of a frozen dinner for my b-day dinner. The good part about b-days is having all my family call to wish me the best.
An interesting observation... My family's reaction to my sitch is that my H seems like a good guy overall, but mixed up, and the hope things work out. His family's reaction seems to be that maybe at some point I should just cut my losses and move on!?! I reminded them that I love him, he's my H and I am not giving up on him.
What do they think it is to be committed? I guess if this is the model of a R that H grew up with- no wonder he is a mess.
We are in static mode- but in a fairly good place. He seems to be finding time to visit me on a regular basis, calls to chat, this morning called to ask if the pants and shirt he was goint to wear matched ;). But I also think he is back to communicating with his EA. I can tell by his instant message 'away' posts. Lots of little quotes that make me think that he is the persuer. He now lives in the same apt building, down the hall. Not sure where he is with that R, or what she thinks of all this- but I try to remember that the only one I can work on is our R.
I realize that I am lucky that here we are so many months out and all is not lost yet- especially compared to that first week when you think you really might just die (and want to).
I am thinking that I might try to find some time to visit my new friend; she sounds like she could use some help with all her kids and keeping it together. She already has the DR book, and is starting her coaching session today. It feels good to be able to give back, after being the one needing so much from others.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
I am hoping for a 'date night' tonight. Haven't seen H since last weekend, and haven't talked to him much either
I am working hard at keeping a PMA and keeping my heart focused on the long term goal- togetherness. Starting to get a little distracted by holidays, thinking about timelines. The real timeline is the rest of my life- it will happen one way or another. Gotta slow down and let him lead the way as he is comfortable. And make sure he continues to feel at ease.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
Hey OP!! I am jealous of you having date nights!!!
Whatever you do keep the PMA going...you may need to force it and fake it in the begining but you will sooner that later have yourself convinced and be on the right track!!! Fake it til you make it!!! Like they say.
I personlly have thrown out time lines because they distracted me too much from my goal. If something wasn't met when I thought it should have been I was hit with disappointment.
well, we had our weekend together. It went well overall, and H seemed in a good mood overall...
The bad part is that when he came over friday that he fell asleep on the couch within an hour. He's been getting up super early for work, so really isn't good for anything much past 9pm. I had already made other plans for Sat.- which was good- showing him that I am GAL, but we spent the afternoon and evening together too. Went to movie, picked up dinner.
The hard part is that he comes home for a few nights, and I want everything to be like normal, and act hard to make things seem great. Of course they aren't. We sleep in the same bed, but the past few weeks he's backed off from physical attention again. In our past life he was very much into cuddling, etc. I tried to initiate a little yesterday and he pretty much told me he didn't feel like it... I backed off pretty quick, but it stinks! I looked great this weekend! New clothes (he noticed) and even my new victoria secret set (he didn't get to notice )
He was reading me his list of places that he would like to apply for internships after he graduates in May. I am quite curious as I'd like to be living there with him. I wonder what he is thinking, but haven't pressed him on anything. He seems to be a bit more distant again. I am trying to be supportive and offered to help him drive to any interviews (knowing that most are a couple days eachway). Not sure if that was a good thing or not.
I just love spending time with him so much. I really miss him. But I am happy for the time we do have together, in that he still feels comfortable coming home for a day or so on the weekend occasionally, even though things are still up in the air. I guess this is his way of trying. He did put his ring on again Saturday (I don't think he wears it during the week at school- but happy that he is putting it on for me).
Just wish I had more hugs this weekend. I am longing for some affection.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
well, we had our weekend together. It went well overall, and H seemed in a good mood overall...
The bad part is that when he came over friday that he fell asleep on the couch within an hour. He's been getting up super early for work, so really isn't good for anything much past 9pm. I had already made other plans for Sat.- which was good- showing him that I am GAL, but we spent the afternoon and evening together too. Went to movie, picked up dinner.
The hard part is that he comes home for a few nights, and I want everything to be like normal, and act hard to make things seem great. Of course they aren't. We sleep in the same bed, but the past few weeks he's backed off from physical attention again. In our past life he was very much into cuddling, etc. I tried to initiate a little yesterday and he pretty much told me he didn't feel like it... I backed off pretty quick, but it stinks! I looked great this weekend! New clothes (he noticed) and even my new victoria secret set (he didn't get to notice )
He was reading me his list of places that he would like to apply for internships after he graduates in May. I am quite curious as I'd like to be living there with him. I wonder what he is thinking, but haven't pressed him on anything. He seems to be a bit more distant again. I am trying to be supportive and offered to help him drive to any interviews (knowing that most are a couple days eachway). Not sure if that was a good thing or not.
I just love spending time with him so much. I really miss him. But I am happy for the time we do have together, in that he still feels comfortable coming home for a day or so on the weekend occasionally, even though things are still up in the air. I guess this is his way of trying. He did put his ring on again Saturday (I don't think he wears it during the week at school- but happy that he is putting it on for me).
Just wish I had more hugs this weekend. I am longing for some affection.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
Will respond later but just wanted to say that it's a great sign that he puts his ring on for you!!!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Well, the ring goes on and off at will, but I do take it as a great sign that he is thinking about putting it on before coming to see me. This is recent.
H actually ended up staying 4 nights in a row over the weekend. Physically distant, but did allow some backrubs (for him of course). He was really sweet on Monday night when he had gotten my favorite snacks before monday night football. Bad thing is that his team lost, and put him in terrible mood. Crazy football fans. Kind of ruined any chance at any romance- Not sure if it would have happened, but he would have been in much better state of mind.
My new goal this week is to e-mail him daily. I haven't done this in a long, long time. And with his schedule he hasn't had time to talk on phone. I figured that I would do a daily recap of my day (light and nothing serious), and see what happens. I decided to do this because while I was here this weekend I noted while he was on his e-mail that he has a folder for saved e-mails from me... So far no response from him.
Having a tough day today overall. I haven't exercised recently and I think I need to- it keeps me a lot more positive.
love feels like bright colors, loss feels like black
I just feel grey inside
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
4 nights in a row is fantastic progress! And really, the ring thing is huge. I would LOVE for H to put his ring on. This says so much, even if it is only around you. The fact that this is recent, too, says to me that he's been thinking more positive things as of late in terms of your relationship.
Keep the faith Opt, I know what you mean about the gray feeling, but please see all of the positives in your sitch. I think most people on this board would kill for 4 nights with their H, even without romance, and then you have the ring too.
Can I ask what 180s you've been doing or how you have been using this face time to your advantage?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
