Don't know what to do- Please help

[limbo]

Jak,

You are right, I know that, I know that my H isn't that sick and twisted that he would doing this to get me to leave.
I told him yesterday that I know that he loved me when we married, and I know that changed when we were in the worst of things, and I know he loves me know.
He is extremely confused, but I just find it so hard to understand why he wount let her go, he did sort of admit that she was a fall back if we didn't make it, but doesn't he understand that we wount make it if she continues to be on the scene.
I haven't heard another thing from her, but do sort of live in dread that she is going to show up with something, or send me something showing he has been in contact again.

I think for right now we are just going to take things as they come, and see what happens

[JAK58]

Then file harrasment charges or an order of protection if it continues so that she knows you mean bussiness.

Do you know an attourny that would write her a letter explaining the consequences of continued contact? Might scare her at least.

I still wonder about my H and his fantasy too but, anything goes I think in MLC and until they start to really come through the tunnel they hold onto them. at least from all of the research Iv'e done it seems that way. She was contacting also right? I think this is why he has such a hard time with it she is making it that way.

My H sees OW fantasy everyday at work and she trys not to be in the same area as him but thay do have to have contact at times. This has been confirmed by friends at work so I know she is being honest. I guess Im'e lucky there at least.

JAK

[limbo]

My H and ow work together, and used to work just feet apart, but thankfully he has moved to another building, so he doesn't have to see her.
I don't think he has had to go to the other location for months, but I do worry about when he does, as I am sure he will have to sooner or later.
If she does continue to contact I do plan on taking steps, because I wount tolerate it. I am hoping now that it is done, I never responded back to her last email and have no intention of doing so.
I guess it will take alittle while before I can truly relax again, although in all honesty I don't think I have truly relaxed in the last 2 yrs, always waiting for the shoe to drop.
I wonder if I will ever truly feel safe in my marriage again?!

[JAK58]

[/quote]although in all honesty I don't think I have truly relaxed in the last 2 yrs, always waiting for the shoe to drop.
I wonder if I will ever truly feel safe in my marriage again?![quote]

Ditto.

I think that at some point when we know they are through this we will know and feel better about the M and relax I just will never let things get back to the way they were before the bomb.

JAK

[limbo]

I agree with you Jak

I am determined not to slip back to how I was, I know I am still a work in progress.
I just hope that H can see that he is also this, and must work on himself, I hope he can get into C soon so he can make a start, he has called and left a couple of message but hasn't heard back.

[JAK58]

Limbo,

At least he is willing to do the counceling and the Retro. My H won't do either and doesn't think he's depressed so won't even check into meds.

I feel that everyone is a work in progress. Lives change constantly and we need to really take an active part in being the best that we can. Easier said than done!

Here is one for you.
I went home for lunch and there was a call from an unknown number . H's work always comes up unknown and it would have been about the time he was getting home so first thought that popped into my head was I wonder if it was her.
Stupid but it was there, and I know better.
Talk about being skiddish about our M.
I don't really think it was her but it keeps me on my toes.
Figured you wouldn't feel alone.


JAK

[runningoutoftime]

You need to share with him all the ugly and mean spirited things she has said. This woman is EVIL your H needs to wise up and realize that even if things didn't work out between you and him, she should be the LAST woman on earth he'd ever date.

Something is MENTALLY WRONG with a woman who tries to hook up with a married man for YEARS like she has done. Gosh, that's such loser behavior. There are much better choices for him if things don't work out. Why settle for GARBAGE!

Is there any way you guys can move away from there, or your H change jobs? I believe he wants to be with you and loves you but she's like some ugly embarassing bad habit that's difficult to break.

[limbo]

I know that its hard, I know its going to be hard to relax fully, and its just going to take time.

Running, I agree with you, I know she is sick, and a total loser, why would she stay when he keeps staying with me? How can she really believe he didn't love me, yet he wouldn't take the opportunity to leave?
When he left back in Feb 07 it was for one night, he was going to stay with his parents, and when they wouldn't let him, he wanted to come back, and when I told him no, he didn't go running to her, but stayed in a hotel, shouldn't that have told her something? And then the next day said he wanted to work on the marriage?
As far as moving or h getting a new job, we have talked about it, but we don't want to pull the kids out of there school, D16 only has one more year left, and is doing really well, she has had some learning issue's, so we don't want to change things for her. S8 also has his own issue's we want to keep some consistency in his life.
H has also been in his job for almost 20 years, and this is also an issue, he is well respected in his job, and it would be hard to give up...he also doesn't have a formal education in his field, he has worked his way up, so it would probably be hard to get a comparable job.
H got a call last night from his C so he will be seeing her next week, which I am happy about.

Sorry for the ramble!

[JAK58]

[/quote] and when I told him no, he didn't go running to her, but stayed in a hotel, shouldn't that have told her something? And then the next day said he wanted to work on the marriage?

This should also tell you where he really wants to be.

Something is MENTALLY WRONG with a woman who tries to hook up with a married man for YEARS like she has done. Gosh, that's such loser behavior. There are much better choices for him if things don't work out. Why settle for GARBAGE![quote]

Root,

BUAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!


ROFLMAO !!!!! How true it is.


JAK

[limbo]

Well my H has been on here, and has found my link.
He said that it hurt him dearly to read how he has hurt me again, and that it has done him good to read about my pain to get it.
I didn't want him to come here because I worried it would be to much for him to read...he said that he only read the first page, and couldn't read anymore, and that he wount be back.
Not sure what to think, but I am sure he will find it hard not to come back.