Stepping a toe into the light

[JCJ]

Just got an email from h - probably nothing to read into but here is my baby step list

1. he initiated an email - this is possibly a first.
2. He is taking some responsibility for the house i.e. opening post - also something he hasn't done since he left.
3. there was no particular need for him to send me those things - maybe he is thinking about me, or he just came across some old post...
4. He is 'giving me responsibility' without fear of me being controlling or whatever his fear before was that meant he wouldn't talk about house stuff.

Hmmm... or negative, he is passing responsibility to me? I can't send from my work email, only receive so I can't respond till Monday unless I reply from my personal account to say I've received it. However 180 for me would probably be to ignore it and 'concentrate on work' as he does to me or is that encouraging bad behaviour, or me being mean, or is it showing him I have other stuff in my life now. Hmmmm, am I over-analysing

Here is the email
Hi - I was going through some unopened post I found in a drawer last night and I found a new TV licence and home insurance policy for the house. They're in my name but I thought they would be better in your hands so I've put them in the post to you.
Hope you have a great time in (at my conference).
H.

I'm not over excited or anything, just a little shocked. I think I am making some baby steps in the safety thing.

[JCJ]

Just to add the email was entitled 'documents', my heart sank I thought he was going to serve me...

[istherehope]

Hi Julia,

This definitely is a nice baby step :).

I would wait to answer until Monday for sure.

Also I like the fact that he signs off that he hopes you have a great time at the conference. He didn't need to do that.

The biggest thing to me is that he initiated the email. Sounds like you are making an inroads there in terms of being a safe presence. Been using the Secret?

ITH

[pisces9]

(((JULIA)))
wow- so much has happened- your H is so much more communicative and you are so calm and clear. I hear you- reading into each word they utter is easy to do- i think the overall emails are so postive and nice. he is trying to be a nice friend...distant...but nice. which is a very positive sign in my book!

maybe you can do something nice for yourself to acknowledge how hard you have worked and stood by your man for one whole year. i think that is so courageous- you are a very strong woman!

xo xo P

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Julia,

Its a little thawing, that he acknowledges something you are doing and hopes you have a nice time doing it! And his emails are light and friendly, but I agree, still distant or controlled, hes not giving much away and therefore, not giving you much to get you excited. So you hadnt yet replied to his last email? And then he sent you another? So guess you owe him an email and can write it this weekend...

Ali xxx

[mishka422]

Julia,

I know you are at your congress and aren't checking here regularly. I just wanted you to know that I think your H is starting to realize that he misses talking to you. He is opening up a little. Let him do it at his own pace and who knows what could come of it. As long as he's not trying to rush to D and sell the house then you have a real shot at turning him around. Be his friend first, love him second. That seems to be what he needs most right now based on his words.

((((Julia))))

[JCJ]

Hey Everyone

I had such a fun weekend! Great PMAing and I hardly thought about h - which was good. Lots of personal 180s for me, being social with new people, staying up till 6 in the morning, tangoing... all good!

Here is my draft reply to h. Does anyone have any thoughts?

Hiya

Thanks for sending those things up in the post; I will file them in the cabinet. Do you have the lecky/ gas bill? If you like I can phone them with a meter reading and see if the bill can be reduced? Sorry I haven't replied to your email before, I was run off my feet preparing for Congress - which was so good by the way, although there were quite a few socks and sandal types! Very successful for the charity though, lots of networking etc.

I am off on holiday on Friday, would you mind terribly if we deal with the house stuff when I get back? The first week in November. Work is going to be so hectic this week and I am out every evening. I think it is probably a good thing if we both talk to the estate agents so we get the full situation. Do you think the house will appraise better if we finish those bits and bobs?

How annoying about Love Film, I had the same issues with Orange the other day. I hope your phone is all sorted now. I did see that photo of the cat in metro - Maple has trouble balancing on a double bed sometimes so I somehow think she would struggle! lol! She is being very sweet at the moment, I think she missed me lots.

By the way, how is your mentoring going? Have they linked you up with anyone yet?

Hope you had a good weekend.
Julia

(((ITH, Pisces, Mishka, Ali))) I am feeling quite proud of the progress made lately and I am really glad I have stood it out this year, I have learnt so much!

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Julia,

I think the email is fine! You are getting good at this, maybe take the bit out about "filing them" and take out the bit "mind terribly" just say, can we leave it till after if thats ok, or something not quite so like he has all the power? Or, would it be ok if we left it till.. or, I would prefer to leave it till...

Other than that, its fine, chatty, friendly, not overly, doesnt sound needy.. send it !

Ali xxx

[Separated]

Hi Julia!! Wow Portugal, very nice! Can you pack me too?? LoL.

I think the email sounds great. Like Ali mentioned its not needy and it's light and friendly. Glad everything went well over in Congress and you had a good time.

[mishka422]

I love the email Julia. It is nice, chatty, and says exactly what you need re: the house. Definitely change that line about "mind terribly" though. It doesn't matter if he minds. You need to wait until after your vaca and he needs to respond about fixing the few things left to fix anyway.