I still believe in miracles

[istherehope]

Hi Ali,

Not sure whether the Tuesday talk did damage yet or not, but I am sure I will learn soon enough. Apparently appearances can be very deceiving in my R...I still wonder what he was calling about just before midnight on Wednesday, but I have not mentioned that late night call. Last night he was pretty drunk, so the ML was to be expected I guess, and it was not one of those "affectionate" interludes to say the least...now he's just gotten out of bed and started by joking around with me, calling upstairs and asking things like "why is your butt so big?" This is one of the little jokes he's always made...we're having lots of back and forth banter--seems so normal, of course he did this on Tuesday too, and when I said that it seemed like everything was going well, he said that I shouldn't assume things, and that maybe we weren't a good fit.

Thanks for the astrological tip! Seems so incredibly fitting with my sitch and where we are at right this moment. I feel like there is so much that went unsaid all summer that really shouldn't have. Yes, I think he will start an R talk in one way or another, may start with the dates again. I have not yet decided how I will react if so. I know, validate, so I will do this, but there are also some things that I really want, and I think that in some ways it actually works for me to ask in these conversations if I can remain calm and not get that weepy tone in my voice. If there is a part of him that is acting positive, I may steer the conversation toward living together. I think I somehow did this with the trial living thing, though to be honest I've blacked out a lot of that conversation as it was so painful, but we are calling this his idea. So it seems to be that I can plant a seed, but then he needs to verbalize it, or otherwise I am controlling.

I do have expectations for today. I know others will tell me not to, but I am seeing these in line with the Secret and asking for what I want, rather than expecting certain specific events. That is, I do somehow expect that meaningful communication will come up, but I am not sure why, how, or when exactly. All I can do from my side is to remain as positive as possible, and do my own thing as much as possible. I am not going to force that communication, but I will be open to it if it does happen. I may make a nice dinner or something, as this could be conducive to setting the atmosphere for a positive evening.

OK H is in the shower, and I think I'll wait about 30 minutes after he gets out and then go do something...

ITH