Trying2Live-New Post #2

[Trying2live]

Jgrind,
OMG I just read your post. {{Breathe}}1st off Please if your D11 is saying she wants to kill her self get her to Counseling or therapy NOW. I started my S9 in therapy and they say if you kids say that you need to call crisis center or get them help quickly.
No worries, you DB, tomorrow is a new day. You Daughter is hurting plain and simple, and it is the cause of our spouses. Sometimes they don't even know how to process this pain they feel. I suggest therapy or get some books to help you deal with this. I know my DD17 went through a horrible time for about a month. Try and stand your ground, what I mean is don't compensate for dad's mistakes. You still have to be mom, you're the only parent they have with reason right now.

When was discovery day for you? I'm just wondering how far you are in this.

First off, there is always hope if that's what you decide you want. No one can tell any of us when to quit or not to quit only we know our limits and the fact that we are even considering reconciliation is a noble thing.

These are the most important thing that we must remember right now are these things(it has helped me to remember these).
1. They are in the fog and when we talk to them we hear fog babble(justification, rewritten marriage history, blame, brainlessness, selfishness, etc etc).
2. Do NOT expect anything from them until the Fog lifts. I know this sounds hard, and it is, because I've been there. I know what its like to question where all the normal common sense went in my H. All normal thinking left-ALL of it. My friend said if you argue with a crazy man what does that make you? So now I expect nothing from him(except financially and if he strays there I will file for LS to secure finances for kids. I expect nothing and I don't get let down. If he wants to dig a hole with his kids by not calling or visiting then go ahead buddy. Dig away. I just tell my kids hey your dad loves you the best he can. They say yeah right how can he if he left us for her. This is my explanation to my son.
I say son you know how I ask you not to do something and you choose to disobey me. He says yes. I say son do you still love me even though you choose to do the wrong thing and hurt me. He says yes, i say then the same for dad. He loves you but right now he's doing what he wants and he doesn't care so lets just pray for him. I know its hard with the issues with children, but I think its better to have that one devoted 100% parent in their life for this transitional period than to have part of the full time parent and forcing the other. Kids can feel if someone wants to be around them or if they are doing it out of burden. Make sense?
3. Get a support system for your self quickly-My suggestion is get some friends or family to help you right now. Ask for help from those you can count on. Go out and do things with the kids. Build a support group that's there for you. Do you have one?
4. Self care-Have you GAL? You must invest in yourself right now and take of your self so you can properly care for the kids. If you are run down your not going to make it and the kids need you. Go get a pedicure or massage or something, anything. Take care of yourself. Your going to have to be a little selfish for a few hours a week that's just for you.

Yes he is choosing job and OW. Expect this. He is in the fog. Expect fog babble, selfishness. Put no expectations on H right now or your going to be let down and get weary. you need to keep your strength to be able to stand if you decide to do so.

Have you read Surviving An Affair by Willard Harley? Whether or not you decide to do the book, it has a wealth of information about Adultery, the mindset of wayward spouses and is solely written on Infidelity. Consider maybe getting this. It may help you to understand what's going on in their heads and what your up against.

Please come back on and let me know how your doing and how D11 is doing.

My H is coming tomorrow to go to the pumpkin patch but I want to hear from you so I'll sneak on.

HEY EVERYONE. I'm not sure how many of you are Christians but I am and associate Pastor and worship leader(but a normal girl just like everyone else) and I have very specific things I pray over my H and the relationship. I really believe there is power in what we declare over our spouses. Our words have power. God created the world by what? He "SAID" Let there be light. God spoke the world into existence. I believe as followers of Christ we have that same power.
Anyways I pray stuff over my H and the relationship and funny things are happening.
Who is interested in a list of what I pray over him?
Jgrind, we are with you. 1 Day at a time.