Sandi is here and things are getting better!

[Joe]

S2,

I went downstairs this morning and started painting again. I felt good to be in the basement and getting some stuff done. I have to admit that for a guy that hasnt done a reno in his life, my basement turned out pretty nice! It will be even nicer once its clean without the tools down there. I put in some worship music by Micheal Smith. Normally, it would have been AC/DC or Metallica, I was even gonna try that new Kid Rock Cd. But I felt that listening to songs about God would help me get through the emotions that I felt were about to come on full speed the longer I spent down there. And sure enough...they did. So I sat on basement stairs and stared into my new theatre room...and had a cry. I prayed to. Asked God to watch over "my friends down south in the States whom I have never met, nor know what they look like, but know they are in some kind of pain or hurt, the same as me." I asked him to have mercy on my w, for she is blinded by the enemy and has no clear thoughts on her MR. I asked that he would guide her through the fog and come back to me on her own free will. I asked him to bless my girls, who are someewhat oblivious as to what is happening and what could happen between Mummy and Daddy. How, if it did, it would alter their precious lives forever....and I cried somemore.

Then after a bit, I felt that peace in my head and my heart. And with out further adieu, tackled my painting job head on, feeling better about myself. And I got it at least half done. For what I wanted to do any how. I like meeting my goals. You know, Im the type of guy that always has met my goals. If I wanted something bad enough, I would put my head to the grindstone and work my butt off to get it. I know I can beat this and get her back.

Tonight, she is out with a girlfriend at a pub around the corner. I knew she was going out but she pulled the old I decided to go there right from work thing. I wonder if she has thumbed through DR as well? She has been doing alot of things for herself lately. She always asks if its okay though, but what am I supposed to say? I just get out of the way now and let her do what she wants. I know that is the best thing for both of us right now. Thats ok, Ive got a good saturday planned out for myself. A little golf and then dinner at my cousins and hang out in the hot tub. We were supposed to go fishing, but the weathers supposed to turn for the worse this weekend. Heck, its already pouring outside, which means snow higher up. Right where we are supposed to camp. No thanks, Ill pass and take the hot tub any day!

About your H. This may not be any of my business, but in MHO is for you to keep up with the touchy feely thing. I would hope that it DOESNT lead to full on "stuff in bed" everytime, but just the snuggling, a rub on the back or shoulder, hell a grab on the a$$ is good to!!! It all helps. Builds confidence, trust, safety. I cant wait to start doing that again with my w. I miss that stuff so much. I feel empty these days. At night when we are in bed, if she turns over, even if its just her toe that touches my leg, causes me to melt. Ill take anything I can get! Its funny in a sick sense b/c Ill just lay there and try not to move...its silly. Just enjoy that little touch from her, even if she doesnt realize shes doing it!

Anyhow, I should go. Have to make sure my little ones are asleep. Loved your post back. You know I care. We all care. When are we gonna do that Caribbean trip anyhow??

Talk soon.

HUGS!!!

Joe