Well, I almost didn't show up but God kept the little nudging in my head and here I am.
Amy C - I can not begin to tell you how many times that I have thought about your comment about the time you saw clearly your husband praying by the side of the bed to help you come through your own crisis. A lot of times when I have had a down day I think about that. Thank you for sharing that.
I agree, Snodderly has a lot of experience. I have been reading here for years...started reading long before I logged on. I have cut and pasted her thoughts and comments into ... well let's just say that she takes a lot of space up on my hard drive.
Amy C. - what I meant about it costing me and that God is a jealous God. I had stayed away from these boards for about six months - with only a brief visit. I did it on purpose. The past Saturday God told me to go ahead and check out what Hearts Blessing had to say about the MLC. (I had copied a lot of her information too but didn't have as much as I do now.) Anyway, then I got drawn back to the board and all of the time frames and got discouraged again. When I keep my sights and focus on God...I do okay. When I listen to the world I get discouraged.
Snodderly, When my husband went into the thick of this...my daughter was having my first grand child...then my mother took ill and while she was ill my father's artificial hip went out - four times before we got my mother stabilized enough so that he could have the surgery to fix the hip. By that time my daughter was pregnant again - yep her kids are 20 months apart - and a little over a month had gone by from the birth of the 2nd one that my mother died from ALS. The last two years have been a whirl wind for me. If things could go wrong...they went more wrong.
Have I done the things that I want to do. Yes and no. I haven't had much money so I've done the things that I can afford. My husband makes sure that I get to see my daughter and grandkids. He made sure that I was able to help and be with my mom and dad every weekend from the moment they needed me - even through to this day.
I know this takes a long time. I didn't wait on my first husband even though God told me to. I waited almost four years and then went on with my life and that no longer included him. Once the divorce was final...four months later he wanted to know where my heart was. By then, it wasn't with him. (It took my ex husband nine years to go full circle.)
Amy C. God is giving me a 2nd chance. It isn't any easier the 2nd time around. There are differences but some of the things I could see coming. I can't say that even seeing them coming changed how I reacted. It still hurt and I reacted the same way. When I went through this with my ex the ONLY thing I had to help me was Jim Conway's book. Internet didn't exist. Libraries did and I did a lot of research. I will admit...I have stayed with my husband because God asked me to. God has made promises to me along the way and I am holding on to them. That along with a lot of prayer keeps me going and sometimes sane.
I'm not trying to control this - well maybe after my mom's death and her funeral. I just thought he should be with me instead of spending time with the OW but he just didn't get it. I remember him talking to me with tears in his eyes but he just kept running. I let him do whatever he wants. I don't ask about the OW and he seldom gives me info. He does keep me informed if her kid is in the hospital or when she had to have surgery due to her breast cancer. I haven't followed up to see how her treatment is going. I just pray for her speedy recovery. :-) I know it's out of my control.
Ten days before my mother died God asked me to give two things to him. One was when my husband's salvation would take place. (I wanted my mom to see him saved before she died.) And two, whether my mom would get to see my grandson before she died. I knew when I gave them to God that the first one was not going to happen - meaning his salvation would not happen before my mom died. The 2nd one did happen and it happened within 24 hours after I gave that dream to God.
I can give you the date that God told me that all of this garbage that we are going through was going to be for my husband's salvation. (If you want the date...let me know.)
There are other dates that I have but I'm not to share them with you right now. I can share with some people but I'm not able to share with everyone on the board right now.
I know there are still rough days ahead but they are few for me. Those rough days coming are going to be for the OW - I'm having a hard time feeling sorry for her but in a way I do. I pray everyday that she will just let my husband go but I don't know that that is going to happen. (I haven't asked God about that yet.)
Three days this week he has been super nice to me. Today, I haven't heard from him at all and he is out of town. At first, I was scared of the super nice stuff and then it hit me. He has been so nasty to me for so long...about 5 years now that I didn't recognize that he was back at first. I'm beginning to see some of the man that I used to know. I'm sorry that he has withdrawn today but I'm glad that I was reminded of how nice a guy he really was/is.
If I put his actions side by side with my ex husband's we are coming up on the nine year mark with my husband as well. (This time includes the transition at the beginning I don't know how long the transition at the end is.) I am tired and I guess I should be.
Snodderly, I guess I am saying that I am taking care of me the best that I can. This is the 2nd time for my girls and they are behind me 100% in this but they both are living their own lives. I'm here when they need me (and one still lives with me).
I have spent a lot of time reading what Hearts Blessing had to say. I realize that my husband is still in the thick of things. Not that I'm too happy about it but it is what it is.
braveheart - just so you know. God wins in this MLC. I don't know when but I know He wins.
I think a lot of LBS who do stick it out and who do get their marriage back on track are probably just so tired when it's all over that coming here is the last thing they think about...or have time for. Yes, I can see why they get tired, and it is easy to get discouraged, but you have to get your strength from the Lord and not the board. :-)
