What do you say when a marriage of 17 years ends? Or when your best friend of almost 22 years isn’t your best friend anymore? Recently I have been trying to decide what I should say about those things and I have struggled to find words to express how I feel.
Those things seemed to end in a way that was unique to us. Not many people I have told my story to understand or appreciate the end of my marriage. You see, we never had any “bad days” together. We never fought or yelled or went to bed angry. We were always there together. We shared the highs of our children being born and the lows when the doctor told her that she had cervical cancer. But we shared them together. There isn’t a day I can look back upon and regret. I am not sure that there is anything I could or would have changed. I guess in some ways that makes the end harder and in other ways it makes it easier.
So, what do I say now that it is over? I can say that I have the three most wonderful children in the world. And despite the end of a marriage they have two parents that love them dearly and can still be friendly towards each other. I can say that life goes on. That I know I can love again. I know I am a good person with a lot to offer. Fate will someday show me a way for me to be with someone I love again.
I can also say that I am a better person now than I was before all of this happened. I am more patient. I am more willing to be flexible and understand. Most of all I know I am responsible for my own happiness.
I know that there are some amazing people in the world. There are people who are so kind that in the hour of their own darkest fears, they still reach out to a stranger with compassion and kindness. People capable of spreading sunshine with just a few simple words. I only hope I returned the favor in some small way.
Almost a year ago my wife told me that she didn’t love me anymore. A few months later she told me she wanted a divorce. There were times so dark for me that I didn’t think I could go on. For a few days I even considered ending it all. However, it got better. I learned to deal with it. Then I learned to smile again. Then to be happy again and eventually I learned I could love again. My heart survived. I survived. A few weeks ago the marriage ended and I am still alive. Who knew……
As my Dad said the day I told him it was final “Now you begin the rest of your life”. My Dad has never said anything more profound to me.
